My Question of the Day: Agatha, a stay-at-home mom, who devoted 20 years of her life as a military spouse until her husband retired a year ago, lives on the East Coast with her husband and children, loves her life and is smack, dab in the middle of the most comfortable routine that her life has had in years. She’s settled, has friends to hang out with and just loves not having to pack up and move to another of her husband’s duty stations after two or three years. She has also seen how the permanency of being in one place has settled her children, and they are thriving.

One day while planning her weekend, her husband, Edward, tells her he needs to talk with her about something very important. Edward goes on to explain how his parents are not doing very well on their own and he’s concerned for their safety. They live on the West Coast, so it takes a long time to get to them if something happens.

Agatha loves her in-laws, so she tells Edward that she’d be happy to have Edward’s parents move in with them. However, that’s not what Edward has in mind. He goes on to tell Agatha that the plan is for them to sell their home and re-establish themselves on the West Coast near his parents. Since they’re older and fragile, and need to be near the doctors and places they trust, Edward couldn’t convince his parents to move to the East Coast.

Edward tells Agatha that the final decision rests with her. He acknowledges all the sacrifices she made during his military career, and he also acknowledges that he knows she and their children have been very happy staying put and growing roots in their current community. He tells Agatha that she can decide whether they stay or go.

What should Agatha do?

My 2 Cents: Uh, no. There’s no way, if I were Agatha, that I’d let my husband put me in this position. He wouldn’t be going to my children telling them that it was my decision to move, and he wouldn’t be going to his parents telling them that it was my decision that they not move.

I’d tell him that as the man of the house, who for the last 20 years decided where we lived and when we moved, this is also his decision. I’d let him know I’d respect his choice, and support him 100% but I would not allow him to put me in this trick bag, especially if I never had a choice in all the previous moves.

———-

The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments below.

———-

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

My Question of the Day: For the first time in many years, Ada’s family has all agreed to have their family reunion in her hometown. Because she had been pushing for this for years, she even volunteered to spearhead all the arrangements.

Ada is handling everything for the family reunion without incident, and then her teenage son, Marcus, gets into trouble with the law. While visiting a friend he’s not supposed to be seeing anymore because of trouble in the past, they take a joy ride in the friend’s father’s car, and the boys rear-end a city work truck. Neither boy has a license, or even a permit, to drive. Marcus calls Ada on her cell phone, and she shows up at the scene of the accident relieved that Marcus is fine but livid that he’s gotten himself in such a mess. Instead of causing a scene on the spot, Ada waits until she gets Marcus home and then she lays into him.

On top of dealing with work and the family reunion preparations, Ada is constantly having to deal with Marcus’ bad behavior. It’s one thing after another, and she’s at the end of her rope. She wants to pull out of organizing the family reunion, but the event is close at hand and many people are counting on her to come through for the family.

Marcus knows his mother very, very well, and the one thing he knows she abhors is public scenes that draw attention to her and her troubles with her son. He acts his worse when they’re around other family members, because he knows she won’t yell or fuss at him, and he can get away with his antics until they get behind closed doors.

The weekend of the family reunion comes and everything is set. Friday and Saturday go smoothly, and Ada is surprised that Marcus is so well-behaved and so helpful. She even dances with him a few times at the family formal dinner and hugs and thanks him for behaving so well.

The final event of the reunion weekend is the family cookout on Sunday. It’s a beautiful day, everyone is enjoying themselves, and Ada is breathing easy because the events are almost done, there were no major disasters and everyone has had an awesome time. She leans back in her folding chair and pans the crowd of family with a smile on her face.

As she focuses on the group of people walking up to the gathering from her left, her smile fades to a deep frown. The boy who Marcus isn’t supposed to be hanging around, and two other boys who Ada knows just got back from juvenile detention, are walking towards Marcus, who is walking towards them with a huge grin on his face and fist-bumps to indicate Marcus knew they were going to show up. Ada is livid, but she doesn’t want to cause a scene. She, also, doesn’t want these boys at her family gathering, and she can’t believe Marcus would invite them.

What do you think Ada should do about this?

My 2 Cents: Ada should tell the other boys that they’ll have to go, and then she should deal with her son. She doesn’t have to cause a scene, but she has to be a parent and figure out ways to deal with Marcus’ obvious sabotage.

I’m not saying it would be easy, but I do believe the solution is simple. Ada is going to have to be creative and find a way to get Marcus on the right track. She’s starting very late, but it’s not impossible to help her son. She’s got to find a way, and pretending to everyone else that he’s not misbehaving isn’t the answer.

There has to be a paradigm shift in their relationship where she establishes herself as the person in charge. Right now, he’s running circles around her. Not good.

———-

The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments below.

———-

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

My Question of the Day: You decide to marry your life’s love. S/he then tells you s/he has HUGE unpaid medical bills. What do you do?

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

My Question of the Day: If someone slights you, even if it’s unintentional, and then says “It’s not personal,” how does that make you feel?

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

My Question of the Day: You’re in a store and witness a parent spank a child who’s destroyed a store item. What do you do?

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.