My Question of the Day: Todd works for a very non-conventional company, where personal and professional seem to cross more often than to which he’s accustomed. For example, his supervisor, Gordon, expects that Todd will socialize with him and other employees after hours, and Gordon has a habit of calling Todd at home or on his cell during his off-time to discuss things he’d like Todd to do when he’s next at work.

It was very difficult for Todd to adjust to all this when he first started working for the company, but the salary, hours and benefits are amazing, including free, catered lunch daily, a car service to and from his home and 30 days of vacation each year. Now that Todd has been with the company for several months, he’s learned to live with the relaxed environment.

One evening, during his four-day vacation and while he is at a family outing at his oldest brother’s home, Todd’s cellphone rings. He looks at the display and sees that it’s Gordon. There’s a lull in the family activities, so Todd decides to take the call. Gordon has had a brainstorm, and he wants to share it with Todd before he forgets. After sharing his new idea, Gordon asks Todd to implement it when he comes back to work from his vacation. Todd agrees to make it happen, ends the call and dashes across the lawn to play soccer with his nephews?

About two weeks later, Todd is at work and Gordon storms into his office with a scowl on his face. Todd is shocked and can’t imagine why Gordon is so angr. Gordon launches into a tirade about how Todd has cost the company several thousand dollars because he didn’t implement Gordon’s idea as Gordon had asked him to. At first Todd is confused and doesn’t know what Gordon is talking about, and then he remembers the phone conversation with Gordon while he (Todd) was on vacation. Gordon tells Todd they both have to meet with the company president about this situation, so Todd follows Gordon out of the office.

When they’re in the company president’s office, Gordon is allowed to speak first since he is Todd’s boss. Gordon lays the entire blame on Todd, never mentioning how and when he informed Todd of the task. Todd is livid, but he keeps his face calm, and he doesn’t interrupt Gordon’s version of the incident. When the company president asks Todd for his version of the incident, Todd is torn about what he should say. Should he explain that Gordon called him during his vacation time, but didn’t follow up with any kind of email or memo as a reminder, or should he just take the blame, even though he believes Gordon is in the wrong, since Todd knows he has to continue to work under Gordon? After some thought, Todd begins to explain his version of the incident…

Who do you think is in the wrong?

(this question inspired by @nurkirk; thanks!)

My 2 Cents: They should both share part of the blame. Gordon should have followed up with an email, and Todd should have set himself some sort of reminder. Gordon shouldn’t have called Todd during his vacation, and Todd should have let the call go to voice mail if he was aware that Gordon might be calling about work-related stuff. Since neither of them seem to have used good judgment, it’s unfortunate for Todd that Gordon is the boss and the President will probably defer to Gordon, since Todd did take the call and failed to complete the assignment.

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The Question: If someone slights you, even if it’s unintentional, and then says “It’s not personal,” how does that make you feel?

My 2 Cents: A slight, even an unintentional one, more often than not will be perceived as personal, no matter what the person initiating the slight says. It is important that the person who delivers the slight acknowledges the slight and how it makes the other person/people feel, regardless of the intention.

Look at it this way: You shoot me and kill me. Yes, I know this is an extreme example, but humor me. You shoot me and kill me. Does the fact that you did it by accident make me any less dead? The result is the same whether it’s accidental or intentional.

I read this somewhere several years ago, and (of course) I’m paraphrasing: People may forget what you say. People may forget what you do. People never forget how you made/make them feel.

Perception often holds more power than actual reality. Consider kindness when interacting with others.

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Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

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QuinnCreative Like it’s personal

IamRah it depends on what they did. It IS personal if they did it 2 me tho. Hwvr I wouldn’t harp on it unless it is smth very serious.

ethelmgibbs Is B.. slappin..okay? Just kidding. How do I feel? Good! Y? Because I know they’re projecting how they feel about themselves.

iamvictorious I will be apphrensive of their intentions from that point on.

PROTECTED TWEETER think they that had given it a lot of thought and probably knew I would get upset or offended. So why say it at all?

PROTECTED TWEETER Even if they say that I still take it personal because they intentionally said, “Don’t take it personal” which makes me..contd

akaziaj Like saying, “don’t piss on my shoes and tell me it’s raining”.

nate4171 Dont take it personal, if u start getting in your feelings bout what others say & do, it’ll easily ruin an otherwise good day..

NightShade10 that they r marginalizing my feelings/disingenuous- it’s “me” who’s slighted, therefore it’s personal!Our culture lacks empathy

ATMMD That is not an apology, so it does not help. Any slight is personal.

PROTECTED TWEETER Depends on the phase of my mood. LOL! If I’m up: No problem. If I’m down: I cry like a baby or I blog the slight & cmts

PROTECTED TWEETER [bleep] bc personal or not it was an insult if they say that

TankaBar_JasonD your going feel bad about it intentional or not

AbayKamau A slight? Based on the definition I use a slight is intentional, therefore it can only be seen as a personal offense.

mimiwiggins comin frm loved 1 *it’s not personal* means th exact oppste. if it’s an acqutnce, will bother me but will try to let roll off

BLKMGK If its intentional, my feelings are hurt. If its truly unintentional I let it go.

jazzzyone “It’s not personal”, it’s fraternal twin “Nothing personal” & cousins “No shots” & “No offense”…sure feels personal to me!

JazzoRenee Like saying its not personl gets them outta not doing right

jluntzreport like a sucka!

PROTECTED TWEETER as if they said,”shut up and get over it”, “whatever” or both

PROTECTED TWEETER I would feel hurt at first but then after a little thought I would feel like maybe they are battling with something internal!

walkerdl It depends on the person. If the person is genuine, I shrug it off

tclarkusa Just saying “It’s not personal” makes me feel like it’s personal.

Hadji4ever I wouldn’t take it personal or have hard feelings w/ the person.

Hadji4ever It would make me feel like I should’ve been on my A-Game and forseen what could possibly have happened.

LadyJay91 If its someone that close 2 me it would hurt of course because they should no better. But if its someone that doesnt matter no.

EvansIPLaw It’s personal

Josephine_Seven people are morons in general. I long ago stopped letting their idiocy bother me. Who cares if it is personal or not? *shrugs*

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