My Question of the Day: Is it better to learn from other people’s experiences or to experience things for yourself?

(this question was inspired by a quote tweeted by @williecolon on 04 Jan 2010; thanks!)

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

FYI: You may edit your comment for up to 30 minutes after posting. After 30 minutes, your comment can no longer be revised.

The Question: If someone slights you, even if it’s unintentional, and then says “It’s not personal,” how does that make you feel?

My 2 Cents: A slight, even an unintentional one, more often than not will be perceived as personal, no matter what the person initiating the slight says. It is important that the person who delivers the slight acknowledges the slight and how it makes the other person/people feel, regardless of the intention.

Look at it this way: You shoot me and kill me. Yes, I know this is an extreme example, but humor me. You shoot me and kill me. Does the fact that you did it by accident make me any less dead? The result is the same whether it’s accidental or intentional.

I read this somewhere several years ago, and (of course) I’m paraphrasing: People may forget what you say. People may forget what you do. People never forget how you made/make them feel.

Perception often holds more power than actual reality. Consider kindness when interacting with others.

———-

Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

———-

QuinnCreative Like it’s personal

IamRah it depends on what they did. It IS personal if they did it 2 me tho. Hwvr I wouldn’t harp on it unless it is smth very serious.

ethelmgibbs Is B.. slappin..okay? Just kidding. How do I feel? Good! Y? Because I know they’re projecting how they feel about themselves.

iamvictorious I will be apphrensive of their intentions from that point on.

PROTECTED TWEETER think they that had given it a lot of thought and probably knew I would get upset or offended. So why say it at all?

PROTECTED TWEETER Even if they say that I still take it personal because they intentionally said, “Don’t take it personal” which makes me..contd

akaziaj Like saying, “don’t piss on my shoes and tell me it’s raining”.

nate4171 Dont take it personal, if u start getting in your feelings bout what others say & do, it’ll easily ruin an otherwise good day..

NightShade10 that they r marginalizing my feelings/disingenuous- it’s “me” who’s slighted, therefore it’s personal!Our culture lacks empathy

ATMMD That is not an apology, so it does not help. Any slight is personal.

PROTECTED TWEETER Depends on the phase of my mood. LOL! If I’m up: No problem. If I’m down: I cry like a baby or I blog the slight & cmts

PROTECTED TWEETER [bleep] bc personal or not it was an insult if they say that

TankaBar_JasonD your going feel bad about it intentional or not

AbayKamau A slight? Based on the definition I use a slight is intentional, therefore it can only be seen as a personal offense.

mimiwiggins comin frm loved 1 *it’s not personal* means th exact oppste. if it’s an acqutnce, will bother me but will try to let roll off

BLKMGK If its intentional, my feelings are hurt. If its truly unintentional I let it go.

jazzzyone “It’s not personal”, it’s fraternal twin “Nothing personal” & cousins “No shots” & “No offense”…sure feels personal to me!

JazzoRenee Like saying its not personl gets them outta not doing right

jluntzreport like a sucka!

PROTECTED TWEETER as if they said,”shut up and get over it”, “whatever” or both

PROTECTED TWEETER I would feel hurt at first but then after a little thought I would feel like maybe they are battling with something internal!

walkerdl It depends on the person. If the person is genuine, I shrug it off

tclarkusa Just saying “It’s not personal” makes me feel like it’s personal.

Hadji4ever I wouldn’t take it personal or have hard feelings w/ the person.

Hadji4ever It would make me feel like I should’ve been on my A-Game and forseen what could possibly have happened.

LadyJay91 If its someone that close 2 me it would hurt of course because they should no better. But if its someone that doesnt matter no.

EvansIPLaw It’s personal

Josephine_Seven people are morons in general. I long ago stopped letting their idiocy bother me. Who cares if it is personal or not? *shrugs*

———-

The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments to the original post by clicking here.

The Question: The COMMERCIALIZED version of Christmas is a poor people’s holiday. Agree or Disagree?

My 2 Cents: I’d have to say the commercialized version of Christmas is a poor people’s holiday. The commercialized version of Christmas is the time when poor people can do what well-off/rich/wealthy people do all year. People with money spend on the things they want for themselves and/or their loved ones whenever they want. People with budget constraints (or simply no budget at all) save their major gift-giving for Christmas.

I formed this opinion in college. I had the experience, one Christmas season, of being in a store and hearing a mother say, “So-and-so ripped the back of his coat, and he needs another one. I’m going to get this one and give it to him for Christmas.” It was right after Thanksgiving when I overheard this statement from whom I assumed to be so-and-so‘s mother. The person with the mom asked if so-and-so wouldn’t get cold and/or sick before then with a ripped coat, and the mom said something like, and I’m paraphrasing, “I told him not to be out in the street playing football in that coat, so it’s his own fault. Besides, had he not ripped his coat, he’d be getting some toys instead. He better be glad he’s getting anything this Christmas.” The mom went on to lament about how her son was too rough on everything; clothes, toys, shoes, etc. I thought to myself, “People with money don’t deny their children something basic like an unripped coat only to have something to put under a Christmas tree.” There just seemed to be something wrong with that.

I don’t assume to know whether people with money have less enjoyment of gift-giving at Christmastime because they are able to give gifts all year long, but Christmastime-gift-giving does seem to me to hold a different significance for people who have to struggle to even pull off the commercialized version of the holiday.

———-

Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

———-

QueenAoleon disagree. its American. A Filipina friend of mine often speaks of the American xmas ppl wish to have in the Phillipines.

ishadowaddict AGREE

shargrove Disagree

westontyler21 .agree

shoopeeshoop Agree

ladyofdahouse our xmas is going back to meaningful gifts. They break all the toys and lose the pieces anyway

QuinnCreative Disagree. It’s a private club to prove consumerism = love, [bleep].

aaronhalford but if you mean 1 of the few times a year the poor (or every1 for that matter) feel 100% justified in overspending, ya i agree

PROTECTED TWEETER No. More like it was sold, lock, stock & barrel to folks who bootleg.

ChesterHargrove I disagree: Christmas is what you choose and make it to be.

PROTECTED TWEETER disagree, it is everyone’s holiday…the rich & poor celebrate it. the poor just spend what they don’t have

sistapoetry ..i thought the commercialized Christmas is for rich people..b/c the poor are the ones that appreciate what Christmas is about

TankaBar_JasonD If your with family your rich in any culture to spend it alone is the poorest feeling anyone can have.

Pettra88 Agree…rich and poor …it’s been ALL twisted around!

TZA_Unlimited Can someone locate biblical account or direction for celebrating Christmas?

TZA_Unlimited I wasn’t aware there was more than one version, I thought commercial was the only one

PROTECTED TWEETER i’m gonna say YES as they might feel that they have 2 keep up w all of the hoopla. IE, ppl being trampled 2 death at walmar …

Write_Of_Fusion More like a RICH ppl’s holiday! LOL! I get no thrill outta Christmas nowadays BC that it’s commercialized…and expensive!

RealFlaglerHill why poor people’s holiday? I’d say more capitalistic…so not poor people but rich people by into the commercialization/gifts

———-

The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments to the original post by clicking here.

The Question: Is living together before marriage a true indication of what married life will be like?

My 2 Cents: Living together before marriage.

I have to admit it.

I did it.

Twice.

Neither time led to marriage, and I was actually engaged to the second guy. Even in doing it, I didn’t believe in it. I did it for financial reasons; to save money. Interestingly enough, the reason I decided to call off the engagement had nothing to do with what I learned about him as a result of living with him. His challenge could be seen everywhere we went other than in our home.

Living together will allow you to know what it’s like to live with your significant other. You will find out if s/he snores, leaves the cap off the toothpaste, puts his/her dishes in the dishwasher, only eats junk food, doesn’t put away his/her folded laundry, plays the television/radio too loudly/softly, irons his/her socks, eats cereal from a sauce pot etc.

Living together doesn’t, however, give you a true indication of marriage. Marriage is a different level of commitment entirely. Just because you live with someone doesn’t mean you get to decide whether they’re taken off life support in the event of a brain-damaging accident. Bank accounts don’t get merged. Credit doesn’t become mutual. That’s just to name a few things. The only true indication of what married life will be like is getting married and determining the parameters for your marriage; not someone else’s marriage. YOURS.

———-

Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

———-

DesignsByOnye Nope. Learning to live together (while married) is part of the process.

jigsawverbiage to answer your quest., I didn’t shack up so I don’t know from experience but I’m convinced that piece of paper DOES matter.

blujayy i don’t think it is a true indication because it would feel like you still have an ‘escape hatch’

PROTECTED TWEETER I personally would not live with some1 prior to marriage. But different strokes for different folks & a JP/Judge works 2

QTKrisAriel I don’t think we would have survived marriage…it was a preview of seeing another side of a person

queenesther living together is marriage w/all of the benefits & NONE of the responsibilities. living together = playing house. period.

QTKrisAriel I’ve never been married but my daughter’s dad&I lived 2getha 4 a bit&we fought like crazy-worst time of our relationship so….

shargrove Living together is not an indication of marriage will be, the committment level is different

jtvstacia absolutely !! You wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive would ya?

lotysloveYes. Statistics show that 75% of couples that live together b4 marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who don’t.

CandyAcidReign …but based off of other people, I’d say yes. Unfortunately I’ve seen relationships end then & never make it to marriage. :-/

tjmlvs_christ Absolutely! When you live with someone whether married or not it is quite telling! Flaws become magnified……!!

InfamousChokola Hmm good question I guess its suppose to be.idk because I dont believe in it.That defeats the point of marriage.

CandyAcidReign I never lived with a man, aside for my last year in highschool when my boyfriend had no place to go. hardly counts.

Josiah_Inc YES and very good indication. still wouldn’t suggest it to any couples unless sure about marriage

iamvictorious Pretty much!

mochadad Absolutely not. When you’re not married, the option to leave is always there.

EStressPN for a man, no. its a preview. but once the ring is on her, you are contractually bound to be her servant or lose everything!

PROTECTED TWEETER its not a true indication but it does give you an idea of how that person lives at home whether they’re a neat freak or a slob

DerekIsNormal Absolutely! Christians call it “living in sin” but I think it’s a great way to work the kinks out of a relationship!

QuinnCreative Not even close.

mochadad Absolutely not. When you’re not married, the option to leave is always there.

ladyofdahouse yes these days u need to see exactly what u r getting urself into

SoftSpoken2 It’s an indication but not quite the real thing. If problems occur you have no obligation to work as hard keeping it together.

ObiOrion not even remotely close to actual married life.

agonyofvictory nothing is a clear indication for what lies ahead in marriage.

Pettra88 Nope…only a true indication of compromising morals and playin house…

jreneker No, it’s not. If it were we would have figured it out centuries ago. People got married centuries ago, right?

Write_Of_Fusion No. Once married, kids, finances, responsibilities all come into play, where living together doesn’t constitute all that yet.

PROTECTED TWEETER nope. its not.

Cali_Breezy FREE Milk?

BLKMGK Once you sign on the dotted line the game changes. You are much more motivated to make it work if you’re married.

atane Not really. Many people change after getting married. Having children will also shift priorities making you a different person.

fucalladat I’d say yes.

AbayKamau NOOOOOOOO. Nooooo. Noooo. No.

TZA_Unlimited No because breakups don’t include alimony and a judge splitting your marital assets, stay or go not affected the same way

Ms_LaTisha When u aren’t married and r livin together, u know u can leave, no strings attached. It’s not that easy once ur married.

gapmin Shackin ain’t the key….no a real mirror of marriage covenant.

md20737 Yes Maam

gapmin NO

———-

The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments to the original post by clicking here.

The Question: If someone you love/care for is dealing with major issues, would you recommend they try therapy?

My 2 Cents: I would definitely recommend therapy to someone I love and/or care for if s/he were dealing with major issues. Of course, I’d try to help first, but there are some mental health issues or medical issues not even the best-intentioned friend or wisest family member can speak on or diagnose. It’s unreasonable to think just because you love and/or care for a person, they don’t need any assistance and/or advice outside your loving counsel.

There are professionals who are paid to deal with clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, attention-deficit disorder, obsessive compulsive disorders, addictive behaviors, phobias and so on. You can’t simply love people out of these situations. They need more than that. If you truly love and/or care about him/her, you’d realize the limitations of your ability to help and get them to someone who can give them the help they need.

Alternatively, someone you love and/or care for may simply need a proverbial kick in the pants to get them jumpstarted and moving forward or off the wrong path. That’s totally different. In that case, get to kicking and help them along.

———-

Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

———-

PROTECTED TWEETER Yes and I would also try to provide other resources that might be helpful i.e. support grps,counseling ctrs, alt treatment

girly1121 been there with someone and yes I had to recommend it to them. Our community needs to realize therapy is ok and necessary.

lotyslove Not if it’s your mother. (Well, MY mother.)

PROTECTED TWEETER I ‘d recmnd therapy only if I couldn’t help them with their issues I feel it wld be the right thing 2 do if i truly luv them

DerekIsNormal Absolutely! Therapy would prevent them going postal on people!

JFuture12 I would most definately offer them the oppertunity to see a brighter side of the situation they have chosen for themselves.

PROTECTED TWEETER Of course, sometime people need to look at things through the trainned eye of someone else,, It saves lives

PROTECTED TWEETER YES .. because a wise insight heals a growing heart

Aseelah Absolutely! Counseling & mental health should be taken so much more seriously than it is.

MusingMom you may want someone who has a broader perspective than say….the Bible…and I know some are trained in psych, etc. but still

MusingMom Yes…professional help is sometimes needed, but make sure the person is qualified/licensed ministers are fine on Sunday but

adreamfulfilled I would definately recommend therapy..sometimes it takes tht type of intervention 2 avoid bigger issues n the long run.

HealerAvalaura I’m a counselor. I believe EVERYONE should have therapy. No one has a perfect life or childhood & most don’t know to cope.

md20737 yes I would bc some people cant handle stress at all. stress and depression can lead to death or other horrible outcomes.

TankaBar_JasonD you could offer it but it is up to them to truly except it and want to need it.

FeminaPrudentia Yup! I [bleep] sure would. Cuz the last thing I want is for their “issues” to become mine!

NightShade10 we’re all dealing w/major issues these days, therapy is advised if your issues are bigger than your ability to find joy in life

atane If the major issue is mental/psychological, then yes, therapy is advisable.

jazzzyone Have & will again

DrAriafya Depending on other classical symptoms, I ask straight up & then find a recommendation that they can follow-thru upon.

mochadad Yes. Too many people neglect their mental health because they don’t want to have the stigma associated with therapy.

HoopTWho it depends. If you kno that person well enuff you may also kno therapy won’t work. So you’ll have to find a different kind.

jreneker Yes, most certainly.

PROTECTED TWEETER Yes, if they are having a hard time coping with life. Esp. if they tend to be withdrawn.

Inkognegro yes. Next question? Lol

Sandyblack25 Absolutely it gives them the ability to speak freely without being judged by family or friends. It saved my life…

Slim_Goodie i sure would. despite the stigma attached 2 therapy/therapists, it really is helpful & necessary

PROTECTED TWEETER Most def I would recommend therapy, but I would also recommend the Lord’s words and give them scriptures of encouragement

Ms_LaTisha I would and I’d join them if need be.

shargrove I’d recommend God & Therapy

QueenAoleon yes but i wld recommend some1 b/c a good therapist is hard to find. esp if u’r Black.

PROTECTED TWEETER I would recomm. that they try Therapy but I would suggest that they hit the floor get on their knees in PRAYER

ImageSavvy Yes. I’d tell them to do it and not worry about anyone who was critical of them for it.

XPhile1908 YES

Tazzee yes, especially if they EAP for free through their job.

shunodashow therapy for what ?that’s a waste of money , your best advis allways comes from the people who love you uncoditionally.

PROTECTED TWEETER YES YES and YES. People are afraid to go b/c people will think they are crazy but it work wonders.

———-

The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments to the original post by clicking here.