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My Question of the Day: Parents of a five-year-old are in a heated debate about how to handle an on-going situation with their daughter. Since birth, Dad has enjoyed sharing a bath with his baby girl. He liked the idea of being able to hold her and keep a watchful eye on her so that she didn’t slip in the water and drown. Mom was pleased to see Dad taking such an active role in the care of their daughter and sometimes all three would bathe together. It was fun family time.

About the age of three, Mom begin dropping the bug in Dad’s ear that he was going to have to stop bathing with their daughter next year because the little girl would be at the age where she would be curious about “boy parts” and “girl parts.” Dad scoffed and thought it was absurd to think he’d have to stop sharing this special bonding time in the bubbles with his daughter.

Age four came and went and still Dad and daughter were sharing a bath. Mom would hear them sharing their day and Dad would take this time to lovingly correct his daughter about different things that needed to be addressed. Still, Mom thinks it’s time for father and daughter to stop the shared baths.

What do you think?

My 2 Cents: I can appreciate that Dad wants to share some special time with his daughter, but it’s time to stop the co-bathing.

There are other ways to bond with your child(ren), and Dad needs to discover a new way to do so. His daughter is growing up and he’s messing with her age of innocence here.

He’s also messing with his own innocence. All he needs to happen is for his little girl to go to school and talk about how she shares a bath with her daddy and she’s seen his boy parts, etc.

Mom is going to have to be more proactive. Maybe she should bathe the little girl before Dad gets home, and eventually the daughter will get accustomed to bathing alone. Even if she puts up a fuss to begin with, if Mom sticks with it her daughter will eventually understand that this is the new system.

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1016 on 28 June 2010 Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

My Question of the Day: Your company has rewarded you, and several other employees, with an all-expenses-paid, five-day cruise. You’re very excited about going until you find out the dates. The cruise will be at the end of October going into the beginning of November. There is only one person you trust enough with whom you’ll leave your child(ren) for five days, but you and he/she have a difference of opinion on Halloween. You don’t allow your child(ren) to participate in the holiday, but he/she does allow his/her child(ren) to participate. He/she agrees to keep your child(ren) while you go on the cruise, but he/she has made it clear that his/her child(ren) will be going trick-or-treating, and he/she won’t be leaving your child(ren) home unsupervised while he/she takes his/her child(ren) out for the evening. What do you do?

My 2 Cents: If I have the option to take my child(ren) along at my own expense, I do that. If I don’t have the option to take my child(ren) with me, I sit down with him/her/them and go over again how we do things in our home. I let him/her/them know that he/she/they are only walking along with those going trick-or-treating, because that family recognizes Halloween. My child(ren) is/are not to participate in gathering candy or eating any candy gathered, nor is/are he/she/they to participate in any Halloween activities, like a party or the like.

Once I’ve had this talk with my child(ren), I have to trust him/her/them to follow my instructions. When I get back from my trip, I won’t even ask whether he/she/they followed my instructions, but I will make my instructions clear before I leave for my trip and before I leave him/her/them with the person I trust. I, also, trust this person to not try to coax my child(ren) into doing anything against my wishes.

It’s all about trust, I would say.

We can’t watch our children 24/7/365, so we have to educate them and then allow them to live. If our children do right, then they will reap the benefits. If our child do wrong, they will suffer the consequences.

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Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

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ManofCivility You make these harder… I think I would have to forego the trip if I was that strong about my aversion to Halloween.

treschic67 i wouldnt go on the cruise. We DONT celebrate Halloween N i wouldnt go against our beliefs to go on a cruise

JoshDamage I go on the cruise. One year won’t hurt. we didn’t celebrate it growing up either but every now and then we did

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The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments below.

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RULES FOR COMMENTS

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2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

My Question of the Day: You’re the custodial parent of a 5-year-old child. The non-custodial parent has rarely ever been around, hasn’t called on a consistent basis, and pays child support sporadically. Suddenly, he/she realizes what a huge mistake this has been and now wants to be in your child’s life. The only problem with that is the child will have nothing to do with the non-custodial parent.

Whenever the-noncustodial parent calls, your child refuses to come to the phone. When you agree to let the non-custodial parent come by, your child refuses to leave his/her room. When you agree to allow the non-custodial parent to take your child on a day trip, your child refuses to go.

You’re about to get married and your child willingly accepts your fiancé as his/her other parent. Your fiancé has been in you and your child’s life for the last two or so years, and your child and your fiancé have an excellent relationship, because your fiancé has always treated your child like he/she is his/her own.

Do you try to force your child to bond with his/her other biological parent?

(this question was submitted by Rahsheen Porter; thanks)

My 2 Cents: I wouldn’t force my child to talk to his/her biological father on the phone. I wouldn’t even force my child to see his/her biological father if he came by our house. However, if I have a court order that grants the child’s biological father certain visitation rights, I’d be bound by law to force my child to go with his/her father.

Children understand more than we imagine, and I’d actually sit down with my child and explain that if I don’t force him/her to go with his/her father, I could get in trouble. It’s hard to explain to a judge that you allowed a 5-year-old to keep you, an adult and authority figure, from following a court order. Now the behavior of my child would be something for his/her father to handle once they are together. If he can break through the rebellion, maybe they can build a relationship. If not, maybe he’ll stop trying to take my child away with him for visits.

As with any adult, I’d instruct my child to show respect to his/her father, but I wouldn’t enforce that. It’d be up to his/her father, who has disrespected my child for most of his/her life, to bring that to pass.

This situation is hard on everyone involved, especially the child. If, and only if, I was legally bound to put my child through this, would I even bother. If there is no court order for visitation, all bets are off. We all then take our lead from my child. When and if he/she’s ready to allow the relationship to happen, that’s when it will happen.

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Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

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TankaBar_JasonD What I would do is just let the kid know they exist and if they want them in their life the kid will allow it to happen.

Fem_Pru This will damage him in the future. I would take my child to therapy cuz he doesn’t know forgiveness

JoshDamage no I do not it’s up to the child, but something tells me you already knew that lol

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The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments below.

———-

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

FYI: You may edit your comment for up to 30 minutes after posting. After 30 minutes, your comment can no longer be revised.

My Question of the Day: Even though he/she/they are afraid of the dark, at what age do you force your child(ren) to sleep without a nightlight?

My 2 Cents: I’m going to have to go with @rishaholmes on this one. Why make this an issue? It’s not a battle I want to pick with my child(ren). When he/she/they is/are ready to sleep without a nightlight, then that’s when they’ll sleep without a nightlight.

I’m 41, and I keep lights on so I can see where I’m going when I get up in the middle of the night.

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Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

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BLKMGK Never.

wildchildeditor I don’t. At some point, the child will overcome her fear.

treschic67 Whenever SHE is ready to sleep w/out a nightlight. When I’m home ALONE I still sleep w/the lights on. I’m afraid of the Dark.

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The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments below.

———-

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

FYI: You may edit your comment for up to 30 minutes after posting. After 30 minutes, your comment can no longer be revised.

The Question: Should parents accept advice about parenting from people who don’t have children?

My 2 Cents: Yes, parents should accept advice about parenting from people who don’t have children.

I’m not a parent, but I was a childcare provider for two girls for three years, and I learned much from their mother about parenting from observing her and asking her questions. The information I learned from her could benefit someone with children.

I try not to offer any advice without first asking if it’s OK to speak on this or that subject as it pertains to that person’s child(ren). If they are open to hear what I have to say I usually begin by saying, “Although I don’t have children of my own…” It lets the parent know I’m aware of my limitation as an outsider looking in. I usually relate ideas and techniques that other parents have told me about or that I’ve observed.

One thing I try never to do is contradict a parent in front of his/her child(ren). That would be totally inexcusable, whether I was a parent just like him/her.

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Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

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PROTECTED TWEETER technically i wish some1 would try 2 parent me about my parenting skills & they don’t have any childrens 2 give advise…[BLEEP] NO.

ClassyDreamer  yes, having a child doesn’t mean you’re a good parent…just like not having one doesn’t mean you’d make a bad parent

sugahjones  Yep, Common sense isn’t attached to the womb! Also, the person could give a view point that had not been considered.

PROTECTED TWEETER  Personally I find it offensive when my childless friends try to tell me how to disclipine my child…That’s not to say some ppl w/o kids can’t give good advice though!

IAMSY  Nope!

mechellebrown01  NO!

SouthJerseyBro  I’m open-minded, so I’ll listen to folks who have a different perspective, especially if they are older people.

sunshine625  Yes as long the non-parents have common sense and mean well.

NightShade10  Of course! The ability to procreate does not define being a good parent or not. One has to consider intent, and intellect first

tray21   it does not hurt to listen to other people(an open mind). make your own judgement based on your situation.

jigsawverbiage  It’s cool 2 hear from an adult who may have had the same experience as your child & can give U that POV. Otherwise, nope.

sistagp  yes, 2 remind what we used to say

xsashagirl  Good advice is good despite the source or the source’s experience.

TankaBar_JasonD  I think if it is the right advice like if it were an abusive relationship I think it is right to take the advice from someone.

RegalRB  We were all kids once…so I think that can help you relate even if you don’t have any kids…also if parents feel like that STOP asking people without kids…hahaha

MissMeandI  LOL Everyone was a kid b4…some advice helps…just weigh it against the situation

PROTECTED TWEETER ..I think they should..

acmeek  Sometimes……they were once a child themselves. They may know what worked for them…Sometimes……My other thought is maybe they have an active role in other ppls children. Good insight.

jreneker  That’s funny! Hmm… not usually.

walkerdl  Sometimes, but not often or regularly

tclarkusa  Sure, why not. Ppl w/out kids may offer advice they’ve heard or something their fam may have used on them or kids in their fam

atane  Nope. It’s like taking financial advice from a homeless person, or sex tips from a virgin.

PROTECTED TWEETER  nope! You don’t know what it’s like until you’ve done it yourself!

md20737  They should at least listen.

BLKMGK  I DON’T!

mayqueen79  Always accept advice-can’t hurt. But, they shouldn’t follow that advice unless they know that it will improve their own…

PROTECTED TWEETER  yes! when the only expierience of raising kids was my god daughter, i used to take better care of her than parents! becoming a…parent doesnt mean you know what your doing. & every child is different. my ears are always open for advice but id study…my child so i know wat works & wat doesnt.

treschic67  I would NEVER accept parenting advice from someone without children.

Sharmaine35  YES BECAUSE SOMETIMES URE KIDS COME & TALK 2 US & WE CAN GIVE U ADVICE ABOUT URE KIDS WITO TELL N EVTHG WITO BRKNG THEIR CONFID

rishaholmes  NO!!!!!

Newilli  i have kids & don’t mind, tho … listening & implementing r 2 entirely diff things! jus cuz i let u speak doesn’t mean i value ur speech

rMiLaNa  maybe,from self experience as a child

LadyJay91  well experience counts and non parental ppl can’t give good advice so the answer is NOPE!!

Hadji4ever  I believe that parenting is based more on trial & error…Therefore, I would only accept advice from someone with experience.

Pettra88  No!! Never! Like learning how to swim from someone scared of jumping in the water. Lol lol lol

Write_Of_Fusion  It wouldn’t hurt to listen. Sometimes the best advice is from someone who’s outside the box.

jluntzreport  yes because we were all children once, and our parents may have taught us something that can help

JoshDamage  no they shouldn’t. If you don’t have kids yourself you cnt possibly give sound parental advice that fits certain situations.

Vernon_Joseph  YES, although they don’t have children. They may have observed good & bad parenting habits. They also had parent’s at 1 time

ishadowaddict  yes, because I’m always giving them. U. Can be childless to share your view

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The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments below.