My Question of the Day: For the first time in many years, Ada’s family has all agreed to have their family reunion in her hometown. Because she had been pushing for this for years, she even volunteered to spearhead all the arrangements.

Ada is handling everything for the family reunion without incident, and then her teenage son, Marcus, gets into trouble with the law. While visiting a friend he’s not supposed to be seeing anymore because of trouble in the past, they take a joy ride in the friend’s father’s car, and the boys rear-end a city work truck. Neither boy has a license, or even a permit, to drive. Marcus calls Ada on her cell phone, and she shows up at the scene of the accident relieved that Marcus is fine but livid that he’s gotten himself in such a mess. Instead of causing a scene on the spot, Ada waits until she gets Marcus home and then she lays into him.

On top of dealing with work and the family reunion preparations, Ada is constantly having to deal with Marcus’ bad behavior. It’s one thing after another, and she’s at the end of her rope. She wants to pull out of organizing the family reunion, but the event is close at hand and many people are counting on her to come through for the family.

Marcus knows his mother very, very well, and the one thing he knows she abhors is public scenes that draw attention to her and her troubles with her son. He acts his worse when they’re around other family members, because he knows she won’t yell or fuss at him, and he can get away with his antics until they get behind closed doors.

The weekend of the family reunion comes and everything is set. Friday and Saturday go smoothly, and Ada is surprised that Marcus is so well-behaved and so helpful. She even dances with him a few times at the family formal dinner and hugs and thanks him for behaving so well.

The final event of the reunion weekend is the family cookout on Sunday. It’s a beautiful day, everyone is enjoying themselves, and Ada is breathing easy because the events are almost done, there were no major disasters and everyone has had an awesome time. She leans back in her folding chair and pans the crowd of family with a smile on her face.

As she focuses on the group of people walking up to the gathering from her left, her smile fades to a deep frown. The boy who Marcus isn’t supposed to be hanging around, and two other boys who Ada knows just got back from juvenile detention, are walking towards Marcus, who is walking towards them with a huge grin on his face and fist-bumps to indicate Marcus knew they were going to show up. Ada is livid, but she doesn’t want to cause a scene. She, also, doesn’t want these boys at her family gathering, and she can’t believe Marcus would invite them.

What do you think Ada should do about this?

My 2 Cents: Ada should tell the other boys that they’ll have to go, and then she should deal with her son. She doesn’t have to cause a scene, but she has to be a parent and figure out ways to deal with Marcus’ obvious sabotage.

I’m not saying it would be easy, but I do believe the solution is simple. Ada is going to have to be creative and find a way to get Marcus on the right track. She’s starting very late, but it’s not impossible to help her son. She’s got to find a way, and pretending to everyone else that he’s not misbehaving isn’t the answer.

There has to be a paradigm shift in their relationship where she establishes herself as the person in charge. Right now, he’s running circles around her. Not good.

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My Question of the Day: Anthony’s father (may he rest in peace) was his hero, but “poppa was a rolling stone,” and had several other children, some of whom Anthony has met and some whom Anthony hasn’t met. Just recently, within the last year or so, Anthony was contacted by a man, Felix, claiming to be one of Anthony’s father’s sons. DNA tests confirmed that Felix and Anthony are indeed brothers through their paternal line.

Anthony and Felix have kept up with each other through Facebook, texting and phone calls since they found out they are brothers, and Anthony mentions to Felix that he (Anthony) is getting married in about six months. Felix congratulates Anthony, Anthony thanks his brother and invites him to the wedding.

About a week before the wedding is to take place, Felix calls Anthony and lets Anthony know that financial hardship will most likely keep him from coming to the wedding. Anthony expresses his disappointment and tells his brother that he was looking forward to finally meeting him face-to-face. Felix then asks Anthony if he can stay with Anthony, which would allow Felix to be able to afford to come to the wedding.

Anthony tells Felix that he needs to discuss it with his fiance, because she and their children have already moved into the home they will share after the wedding. It’s true that Anthony’s fiance and their children live together in the home that they will live in once the wedding is over, but the reality is that Anthony isn’t sure he wants someone staying in his home, with his family, whom he’s never met, brother or not.

What do you think Anthony should do?

My 2 Cents: I could to afford to pay for my brother to stay in a hotel, I’d offer him that option, but he would not be allowed to stay in my home with my family. DNA or no, the brother I’ve never met could not stay in the house with my children and future spouse. It’s a safety issue, point blank and period.

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My Question of the Day: You have two siblings. You’re very close to one, but you’re not so close to the other one. This is because the sibling whom you’re not close to is very, very hard to get along with, and s/he has always resented the sibling to whom you are very close because it seems to the difficult sibling that everyone favors the other sibling more. You and your favorite sibling have tried very hard to get along with your difficult sibling, but anything you all ever plan together ends up falling apart in a disastrous meltdown by the difficult sibling accusing both of you and everyone else in the family of being against him/her at every turn.

It just so happens that the difficult sibling is turning 50 on his/her next birthday, and s/he is expecting the entire family to throw him/her a big 50th birthday bash, even though s/he hasn’t been speaking to or interacting with anyone in the family for several months because of his/her meltdown and accusations at the last family function. What’s interesting is that your favorite sibling also has a birthday the same month as the difficult sibling, which actually occurs about three days before your difficult sibling’s birthday, but your difficult sibling has made no mention whatsoever of the other sibling’s birthday.

In the past, the family has always celebrated the two birthdays together, because the dates of birth are so close together, but as stated before the difficult sibling always causes a huge scene, gets everyone upset and flustered and then spends months not speaking to anyone in the family because of his/her theory that everyone is against him/her. What you’d like to do is just have a quiet, unannounced birthday party for your favorite sibling on his/her birth date and invite your family members who can keep it secret. You do realize that your other sibling is celebrating a milestone in his/her life and if s/he finds out about the secret party, then it will only add fuel to the difficult sibling’s fire that the family is against him/her. It’s not that you all are against him/her. You’re just tired of all the drama and stress that is caused by the difficult sibling, but you know s/he won’t see it that way.

What do you do?

My 2 Cents: I don’t believe in rewarding bad behavior, no matter if it’s family or not. I would not be planning a 50th birthday bash for my difficult sibling. I, also, wouldn’t have a secret party for my favorite sibling. I’d have the party for my favorite sibling and let everyone, including the difficult sibling, know about it. Everyone in the family would be welcome at the party for my favorite sibling. I wouldn’t exclude anyone, but I’d make it real clear before the day of the party that no one will be staying who can’t be pleasant and get along with others. The minute anyone started causing a scene, I would have folks on standby to maneuver those individuals right on out the door,  so we can keep having our good time.

If my difficult sibling wants to throw her own 50th birthday bash, and she invites me, I’ll go and try to have a good time. I’ll even give her a gift. I won’t pretend like nothing’s happened and she deserves for me to go out of my way to plan a party for her.

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My Question of the Day: Love and affection from our parents (or guardians) is something that helps us know we are valued and have his/her/their backing. With that in mind, do you think it’s appropriate for a parent or guardian to kiss his/her/their child(ren) on the lips?

My 2 Cents: This question was “ripped from the headlines,” so to speak.

Several people wrote blog posts about A Mother’s Day Kiss; a picture that shows Kim Porter kissing her son, Quincy, on the lips. Actually, the kiss was initiated by Quincy to his mother to show his love and appreciation for her motherly support and influence on his life.

My parents have always kissed us only on our cheeks and foreheads, but that’s my family dynamic. I’ve had friends and even relatives whose parents show them affection by kissing on the lips, and I’ve never had any issues with that. A one-second peck on the lips is nothing to get all worked up over.

It’s easy to look at the picture of Quincy kissing his mother and try to read something into it, because it’s a still photograph that prolongs the effect of the act. The image makes the kiss seem much longer than it probably was. I wasn’t there, so I can’t actually say that, for sure.

I have a “live and let live” policy in all things, so I have to say to each family their own. As long as children aren’t being abused (sexually/emotionally/spiritually) and/or neglected, I’m not going to declare that any maternal/paternal forms of affection and love should be off limits.

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RULES FOR COMMENTS

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2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

My Question of the Day: Many of us have found ourselves needing a little boost in our income until our next payday. With that in mind, think about how you handle loaning money to friends and/or family. When you do loan money to people, regardless of whether you’re expecting them to pay it back or not, do your require that they tell you why they need the money before you will agree to help?

My 2 Cents: I actually don’t require it, and I’d prefer not to know, but I can’t think of anyone who asked to borrow money from me who hasn’t just felt compelled to tell me the reason they need it.

If I have it, I’ll loan it. If I don’t have it, I won’t.

It doesn’t matter for what the money is needed. An explanation doesn’t make me more or less inclined to give a loan. It all depends on whether I’m in a position to make the loan, period.

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RULES FOR COMMENTS

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2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.