My Question of the Day: You have two siblings. You’re very close to one, but you’re not so close to the other one. This is because the sibling whom you’re not close to is very, very hard to get along with, and s/he has always resented the sibling to whom you are very close because it seems to the difficult sibling that everyone favors the other sibling more. You and your favorite sibling have tried very hard to get along with your difficult sibling, but anything you all ever plan together ends up falling apart in a disastrous meltdown by the difficult sibling accusing both of you and everyone else in the family of being against him/her at every turn.

It just so happens that the difficult sibling is turning 50 on his/her next birthday, and s/he is expecting the entire family to throw him/her a big 50th birthday bash, even though s/he hasn’t been speaking to or interacting with anyone in the family for several months because of his/her meltdown and accusations at the last family function. What’s interesting is that your favorite sibling also has a birthday the same month as the difficult sibling, which actually occurs about three days before your difficult sibling’s birthday, but your difficult sibling has made no mention whatsoever of the other sibling’s birthday.

In the past, the family has always celebrated the two birthdays together, because the dates of birth are so close together, but as stated before the difficult sibling always causes a huge scene, gets everyone upset and flustered and then spends months not speaking to anyone in the family because of his/her theory that everyone is against him/her. What you’d like to do is just have a quiet, unannounced birthday party for your favorite sibling on his/her birth date and invite your family members who can keep it secret. You do realize that your other sibling is celebrating a milestone in his/her life and if s/he finds out about the secret party, then it will only add fuel to the difficult sibling’s fire that the family is against him/her. It’s not that you all are against him/her. You’re just tired of all the drama and stress that is caused by the difficult sibling, but you know s/he won’t see it that way.

What do you do?

My 2 Cents: I don’t believe in rewarding bad behavior, no matter if it’s family or not. I would not be planning a 50th birthday bash for my difficult sibling. I, also, wouldn’t have a secret party for my favorite sibling. I’d have the party for my favorite sibling and let everyone, including the difficult sibling, know about it. Everyone in the family would be welcome at the party for my favorite sibling. I wouldn’t exclude anyone, but I’d make it real clear before the day of the party that no one will be staying who can’t be pleasant and get along with others. The minute anyone started causing a scene, I would have folks on standby to maneuver those individuals right on out the door,  so we can keep having our good time.

If my difficult sibling wants to throw her own 50th birthday bash, and she invites me, I’ll go and try to have a good time. I’ll even give her a gift. I won’t pretend like nothing’s happened and she deserves for me to go out of my way to plan a party for her.

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