My Question of the Day: Agatha, a stay-at-home mom, who devoted 20 years of her life as a military spouse until her husband retired a year ago, lives on the East Coast with her husband and children, loves her life and is smack, dab in the middle of the most comfortable routine that her life has had in years. She’s settled, has friends to hang out with and just loves not having to pack up and move to another of her husband’s duty stations after two or three years. She has also seen how the permanency of being in one place has settled her children, and they are thriving.

One day while planning her weekend, her husband, Edward, tells her he needs to talk with her about something very important. Edward goes on to explain how his parents are not doing very well on their own and he’s concerned for their safety. They live on the West Coast, so it takes a long time to get to them if something happens.

Agatha loves her in-laws, so she tells Edward that she’d be happy to have Edward’s parents move in with them. However, that’s not what Edward has in mind. He goes on to tell Agatha that the plan is for them to sell their home and re-establish themselves on the West Coast near his parents. Since they’re older and fragile, and need to be near the doctors and places they trust, Edward couldn’t convince his parents to move to the East Coast.

Edward tells Agatha that the final decision rests with her. He acknowledges all the sacrifices she made during his military career, and he also acknowledges that he knows she and their children have been very happy staying put and growing roots in their current community. He tells Agatha that she can decide whether they stay or go.

What should Agatha do?

My 2 Cents: Uh, no. There’s no way, if I were Agatha, that I’d let my husband put me in this position. He wouldn’t be going to my children telling them that it was my decision to move, and he wouldn’t be going to his parents telling them that it was my decision that they not move.

I’d tell him that as the man of the house, who for the last 20 years decided where we lived and when we moved, this is also his decision. I’d let him know I’d respect his choice, and support him 100% but I would not allow him to put me in this trick bag, especially if I never had a choice in all the previous moves.

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