My Question of the Day: Ever since Rebecca’s sister, Yvonne, got married to Aven, she’s pulled further and further away from the family. Their parents are very concerned over this. Before her marriage, Yvonne had a great job, many friends, called her family members at least two or three times a week and visited at least one or two family members or friends once or twice a week. Now just getting Yvonne to return a phone call has because almost impossible.

Aven didn’t want Yvonne to work, so she quit her job. He would get angry and jealous when she went out with her family or friends, so she quit doing that, too. When anyone calls their house, only Aven answers the phone and never allows Yvonne to speak, telling whomever is on the other line that Yvonne is busy and will call back when she’s available, which is almost never these days.

Rebecca is fed up with all of the nonsense, so she gets in her car and drives over to Yvonne and Aven’s home. When she first rings the doorbell, no one answers. She knows that both Aven and Yvonne are home, because both their cars are parked in the driveway. Rebecca continues to ring the doorbell until she hears footsteps on the other side of the door. Aven rips the door open and glares at Rebecca.

“What’s wrong with you! Why are you ringing our doorbell like a crazy woman?” Aven blocks the door with his body, so Rebecca can’t see into the house.

“I want to see my sister,” Rebecca spits out at him.

“She’s busy! I’ll have her call you!” Aven continues to glare at Rebecca and refuses to open the door far enough for her to see in.

“What’s that awful smell?” Rebecca turns up her nose.

“What smell?”

“It smells like, I don’t know, rotten meat. Where’s Yvonne? I want to talk to her.”

“She’s busy! Didn’t you hear me?”

“YVONNE!” Rebecca stands on her toes swaying her body left and right trying to see past Aven into the house, but she can’t see over his shoulders.

“Could you go now. I don’t want to be rude and close this door in your face. Yvonne will call you later.” Aven still glares at Rebecca, but his voice is even and calm.

“I’m not going anywhere until I see my sister. If you close this door on me, I’m going back to my car and calling the police. YVONNE?!?!” Rebecca again tries to look around Aven into the house. After what seems like forever to Rebecca, Aven relents.

“Wait right there. She can come to the door for three minutes if it’ll get you off my porch!” Aven closes the door and Rebecca hears the lock click. A few minutes later, Rebecca hears the lock click again and Yvonne pulls the door open slightly.

“Hey, sis. Can you come out and talk to me?”

“Uh… What do you want, Becca? I’m busy.” Yvonne’s tone was tight and stressed. Rebecca walks closer to the door and starts to whisper something, but Yvonne’s eyes darted quickly to the right over and over, signalling that Aven is behind the door and Rebecca steps back.

“Well, when can I come back and see you?” Rebecca signs “R U O K” to her sister. Both women learned the American Sign Language alphabet years before.

“No, Becca. I don’t think you should come over here without calling. I’m married now, and I can’t just drop everything because you want to sit and visit.”

“Well…” Before Rebecca can say anything else, Yvonne is snatched back from the open door and it is slammed in Rebecca’s face.

As Rebecca walks away, she thinks to herself, “Did her “no” mean she’s not all right or don’t come here without calling?”

What do you think, and what would you do in this situation?

My 2 Cents: The fact that Yvonne warned Rebecca that Aven was behind the door would signify to me that she’s not totally a party to the treatment she’s (Yvonne) receiving.

If I asked her if she is OK, and the next word out of her mouth is “No,” it doesn’t matter what comes out of her mouth after that, I’m going to assume that she’s not OK, especially if my last vision of my sister is seeing her snatched out of an open door to have it slammed in my face.

I’d go back to my car, call the police and wait for some help to arrive. If the police got there, and my sister refused to go with them, I’d be hurt and scared, but you can’t make grown folks do what they don’t want to or don’t think they can do.

I, however, would not let this situation rest until I’ve exhausted every means to secure my sister’s safety for the long-run.

———-

The commentary doesn’€™t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments below.

———

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

My Question of the Day: You volunteer weekly at a shelter for battered women. The shelter is federally funded and there are several regulations that must be followed or the shelter could lose its financial backing. One of the regulations that is strictly enforced is that no men, other than those on-staff, can enter the shelter under any circumstances.

When you signed on as a volunteer you were made to read an article about another federally-funded shelter that was closed because one of the workers allowed a man into the building who said he had a message for one of the women. The man had been hired by the woman’s husband to kill her and her two children, which he succeeded in doing, along with killing two other women who tried to protect the children.

Late one night, while you’re on duty, there is a vigorous pounding on the front door. You, the other worker and the two massive, armed off-duty police volunteers go to see if it is a woman fleeing for her life. During your training you were told to make every effort to get to the front door quickly when someone knocks, because it could be a woman in grave danger. With weapons draw, one officer opens the door while the other officer stands in front of you and the other worker in case there’s an attack.

You all see a man standing there with one child in his arms and another clinging to his leg. The man is badly beaten, and he explains that his wife did it. He tells you all that his wife has been beating him for years and his last straw was when she went after the baby. He turns the child around so you can see its badly-bruised face. The man asks you to please take in him and his children because he has nowhere else to go.

What do you do?

My 2 Cents: When the idea of battered-relief shelters were originally conceived, the overwhelming majority of people facing domestic violence were women and their children. It would only make sense to me that such shelters would have rules designed to protect women from their abusive partners. This may mean that men would not be allowed in the shelters for any reason, and I would honor that if I am a volunteer.

I wouldn’t just turn the man and his children away, though. I would ask one of the officers to stand with him outside the facility for his safety, and then I would call other shelters that aren’t exclusively for battered women. If I could find no place to take him, I’d ask the off-duty police volunteers to help him. If he and one of his children have been physically assaulted, the police should be able to offer him some assistance.

One thing, for sure, he could not come into the shelter since the regulations state that no men are allowed who are not on-staff. After this incident, though, I would ask the shelter to consider the fact that men are being battered, too, and ask the Board to think about how to help men, as well as women, who are fleeing domestic violence.

———-

Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

———-

PROTECTED TWEETER I say don’t let the man in. 1) Against rules and you could lose your job, 2) Could be a setup

JoshDamage I recommend he seek services at a family shelter and suggest he press charges

———-

The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments below.

———-

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.