My Question of the Day for 23 July 2010 – UPDATED
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My Question of the Day: Carlos loves his wife, Gabriela, with all his heart, soul and mind. He fell in love with her the first time he saw her when they were both three years old, and he knew he’d marry her, which happened when they were 23. There’s nothing Carlos wouldn’t do, within his power, to make Gabriela happy.
Since they’ve been married, they’ve gotten along quite well, but there is one thing Gabriela does that absolutely drives Carlos insane. He will ask Gabriela if she minds if he does this or that, and she will say she doesn’t mind, but later she will reveal that she does mind. When Carlos asks her why she doesn’t just say that she’s opposed to whatever it is, Gabriela tells him that he should know by the look on her face or by the tone of her voice that she would rather him not do something regardless of what she actually says. Carlos finds her way of thinking very frustrating, but he loves her in spite of it.
Another time comes that Carlos goes to Gabriela and asks her if she would have a problem with him going on an all-day road trip with her father and brother. They invited Carlos to go with them to the mountains to hike, and Carlos told them he would make sure it was okay with Gabriela before saying he would go. When Gabriela learns that the hiking trip is the same day that she was planning to ask Carlos to take her on an all-day antiquing adventure, something they both enjoy doing, she frowns and is quiet for a moment. Carlos sees the expression on her face and assumes he won’t be going on the trip with his in-laws, but Gabriela tells him she doesn’t mind if he goes and even tells him to have a good time.
Carlos’ gut is telling him that Gabriela doesn’t want him to go, but out of her mouth she said it was okay. Now he’s torn. Does he go and risk another argument about her not saying what she means, or does he not go and possibly avoid an argument later?
What do you think Carlos should do?
My 2 Cents: Carlos should go with his in-laws and refuse to engage in any kind of discussion about this later. If he doesn’t put his foot down on this nonsense soon, it’s going to continue to be a point of contention in their marriage for the rest of it. Gabriela needs to mean what she says and say what she means. If she loves Carlos half as much as he loves her, she wouldn’t be doing this in the first place. If she can’t help herself, she needs therapy. This is not fair to Carlos, period.
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This is tough. If she was already planning a weekend for them, he should go with her, no matter what she says. But she does need to address her inability to state her true feelings.
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LikeDislikeCarlos should GOOOOOOO!!! And not only should he not feel guilty about it, but he doesn’t have anything to “make up for” when he returns, either. He doesn’t have plans with his wife; Gabriela was only *planning* to ask him to take her out. Obviously, he wants to go on the trip or he wouldn’t have asked her if it was okay.
It would be one thing if she just had a look but didn’t say anything. (Not that I condone this either, but at least it would mean that she didn’t lie.) However, she actually says that it’s okay and she doesn’t mind. Any adult who will readily lie about what they’re thinking when directly asked but then fume later gets exactly what they deserve, in my opinion. She could very easily had said that she was hoping to spend time with him. Instead, she told him to have a good time. And Carlos need not engage in any argument she tries to start later. If she has so much mouth, she should have used it at the outset. He shouldn’t start one about her not saying what she means, either.
If you want to lie, I’m going to act like I believe you. If that doesn’t work for you, maybe you’ll answer honestly for once…
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LikeDislikeCarlos should go with his in laws. If his wife is not going to properly communicate and state what she wants then he shouldn’t give in to her guess games and just make it up the next weekend by planning a romantic getaway for them.
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LikeDislikeIf this is The Only Problem this couple has then They are TRULY Blessed! Carlos should Stay home ans plan a Romantic weekend with his wife and tell the In Laws that he will catch them next time around. “Happy Wife, Happy LIFE”. : )
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LikeDislikeI think Carlos can’t win for losing with his wife, and his wife should REALLY learn to open her mouth and say what she means! The Lord made us with the verbal capability to express ourselves, we should not ever assume that one should KNOW what we’re thinking (even if they do). Adults should act like adults at all times and just say what they’re thinking. Okay…I think that Carlos should just straight out ask Gabby what she had in mind and then decide if that’s something he wants to do. Although he is married to her, he’s still an adult with the free choice to make his own decisions. If he’d rather hang out with his wife, go for it. If he wanna huff it with his fam, kick it like crazy. But, he should be able to make the choice for himself, instead of being pushed one way or the other b/c he doesn’t know what his wife is thinking.
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LikeDislikeCarlos should tell Gabriela to grow up and then hit the road with his in laws. Maybe they can give him some insight into why she can’t say what she feels to her husband, the man she says she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
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LikeDislikeHe should go. Gabriela is putting him in an awkward position on purpose. I can’t stand when people say one thing, but mean another. You should have learned how to express your feelings back when you were 3. If you love someone, you should be able to tell them how you really feel. If not, something is wrong.
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