My Question of the Day: Carlos loves his wife, Gabriela, with all his heart, soul and mind. He fell in love with her the first time he saw her when they were both three years old, and he knew he’d marry her, which happened when they were 23. There’s nothing Carlos wouldn’t do, within his power, to make Gabriela happy.

Since they’ve been married, they’ve gotten along quite well, but there is one thing Gabriela does that absolutely drives Carlos insane. He will ask Gabriela if she minds if he does this or that, and she will say she doesn’t mind, but later she will reveal that she does mind. When Carlos asks her why she doesn’t just say that she’s opposed to whatever it is, Gabriela tells him that he should know by the look on her face or by the tone of her voice that she would rather him not do something regardless of what she actually says. Carlos finds her way of thinking very frustrating, but he loves her in spite of it.

Another time comes that Carlos goes to Gabriela and asks her if she would have a problem with him going on an all-day road trip with her father and brother. They invited Carlos to go with them to the mountains to hike, and Carlos told them he would make sure it was okay with Gabriela before saying he would go. When Gabriela learns that the hiking trip is the same day that she was planning to ask Carlos to take her on an all-day antiquing adventure, something they both enjoy doing, she frowns and is quiet for a moment. Carlos sees the expression on her face and assumes he won’t be going on the trip with his in-laws, but Gabriela tells him she doesn’t mind if he goes and even tells him to have a good time.

Carlos’ gut is telling him that Gabriela doesn’t want him to go, but out of her mouth she said it was okay. Now he’s torn. Does he go and risk another argument about her not saying what she means, or does he not go and possibly avoid an argument later?

What do you think Carlos should do?

My 2 Cents: Carlos should go with his in-laws and refuse to engage in any kind of discussion about this later. If he doesn’t put his foot down on this nonsense soon, it’s going to continue to be a point of contention in their marriage for the rest of it. Gabriela needs to mean what she says and say what she means. If she loves Carlos half as much as he loves her, she wouldn’t be doing this in the first place. If she can’t help herself, she needs therapy. This is not fair to Carlos, period.

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