My Question of the Day for 20 July 2010 – UPDATED
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My Question of the Day: The Mancinis are hosting their daughter, Mary Katherine, and new son-in-law, Ahmad, for a week during the winter holidays. The rest of the Mancinis’ children will be home, also, with their respective spouses and significant others.
The entire family absolutely adores Ahmad, and they know how well he treats Mary Katherine. Mr. and Mrs. Mancini sing Ahmad’s praises to all their friends and other family members, but they are a bit concerned about his week-long stay.
Ahmad doesn’t eat beef or pork, and the Mancini women create delicious dishes for the holidays, many of which contain beef, pork and/or beef or pork broth. Ahmad has repeatedly told his mother-in-law not to change her menu for him. He tells her he will eat what he eats and leave the rest for everyone else.
Mrs. Mancini doesn’t like the idea of her favorite son-in-law not being able to enjoy all the same things as the rest of the family, so she’s still torn about whether to change the entire menu or keep it the same.
What do you think she should do?
My 2 Cents: Mrs. Mancini has the best intentions, but she’s going to have to get over it. There are going to be many more family gatherings, and Ahmad is still not going to be a beef- or pork-eater. If her son-in-law says to go on as usual, she should go on as usual. If she doesn’t want him to feel left out, she can make a few extra dishes just for him without beef or pork. Chances are some of the other family members will like the dishes, also, and they’ll become a part of the new family tradition.
The only thing constant is change. Family dynamics change, so we have to change with them. It’s not always easy, but it’s usually simple.
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She should make sure there are a few dishes that Ahmad can eat (not just one), but she definitely shouldn’t change her entire menu. Not only will she disappoint everyone else, but it will probably make Ahmad feel bad. Making sure there is something for everyone is just common courtesy.
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LikeDislikeI definitely wouldn’t change the menu. I’m sure not all of the dishes that she serves will include pork or beef. I agree with @Sherri, maybe call his wife and find out what he really likes and include one of his favorite dishes on the menu.
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LikeDislikeAs a hostess, the main concern is to have everybody happy. There is no need to change the entire menu only a few additions will suffice. I would not be happy if one of my guess were feeling left out.
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LikeDislikeShe should just cook what she would normally cook and respect that he doesn’t and wont eat those dishes that he doesn’t eat. If she really wanted to do something nice, she could ask him if he’d like her to prepare something for him specially. That might be seen as a grand gesture to him, and he could quite possibly enjoy and respect it. She should not change her menu, that would possibly make him feel bad that it was cuz of him that she did.
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LikeDislikeI wouldn’t change the menu, but I would add a few dishes he could eat. Maybe call up the daughter and get a few recipes of his favorites to surprise him.
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LikeDislikeI wouldn’t change the menu but I would add more “neutral” dishes the son in law and other guests would enjoy. Nothing special or over the top.
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LikeDislikeI can relate to this as at large family gatherings at our home i try to prepare something everyone can enjoy…even though they don’t ask me to. For example, we always have some sugar free dessert for the diabetics, some veggie dish for the vegetarians, something prepared with no pork for those who don’t eat pork, etc.
Surely there will be something for Ahmad to enjoy. Although Mrs. Mancini’s gesture is thoughtful & kind, Ahmad has asked her NOT to go out of her way so if she decides to prepare specific dishes to meet Ahmad’s dietary preferences that’s her personal choice. She is doing it from her heart not because it was requested.
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LikeDislikeI wouldn’t change the entire menu but I would make a buffet sort of meal plan so that everyone can pick and choose what they prefer without making anyone feel uncomfortable.
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