My Question of the Day for 12 July 2010 – UPDATED
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My Question of the Day: Anthony’s father (may he rest in peace) was his hero, but “poppa was a rolling stone,” and had several other children, some of whom Anthony has met and some whom Anthony hasn’t met. Just recently, within the last year or so, Anthony was contacted by a man, Felix, claiming to be one of Anthony’s father’s sons. DNA tests confirmed that Felix and Anthony are indeed brothers through their paternal line.
Anthony and Felix have kept up with each other through Facebook, texting and phone calls since they found out they are brothers, and Anthony mentions to Felix that he (Anthony) is getting married in about six months. Felix congratulates Anthony, Anthony thanks his brother and invites him to the wedding.
About a week before the wedding is to take place, Felix calls Anthony and lets Anthony know that financial hardship will most likely keep him from coming to the wedding. Anthony expresses his disappointment and tells his brother that he was looking forward to finally meeting him face-to-face. Felix then asks Anthony if he can stay with Anthony, which would allow Felix to be able to afford to come to the wedding.
Anthony tells Felix that he needs to discuss it with his fiance, because she and their children have already moved into the home they will share after the wedding. It’s true that Anthony’s fiance and their children live together in the home that they will live in once the wedding is over, but the reality is that Anthony isn’t sure he wants someone staying in his home, with his family, whom he’s never met, brother or not.
What do you think Anthony should do?
My 2 Cents: I could to afford to pay for my brother to stay in a hotel, I’d offer him that option, but he would not be allowed to stay in my home with my family. DNA or no, the brother I’ve never met could not stay in the house with my children and future spouse. It’s a safety issue, point blank and period.
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It comes down to trust for me. I wouldn’t invite someone to my wedding that I didn’t trust in my house.
The concern over never having met someone I totally understand. My younger brother is pretty hardcore, and we’ve never met. I wouldn’t hesitate to let him stay with me, based of nothing more than a familial vibe.
You have to go with your gut.
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LikeDislikeI think Anthony and Felix should have already met face-to-face before now, and should do so before the wedding anyway. I don’t think that Anthony should allow a total stranger, brother or no, to spend any kind of time in his home, fiance’ or no, without having met him at least once before. So, definitely, if Anthony’s fiance’ says yes, there should be a face-to-face meeting before Felix sleeps over anyway.
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LikeDislikeI would try helping Felix find an inexpensive hotel room, just as I would any other relative attending the wedding.
Regardless of circumstances with finances or never meeting before, the details of an impending wedding are such that it wouldn’t be comfortable for me to have an extra person in the house.
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LikeDislikeAnthony should not let Felix stay with him because he doesn’t know Felix. All he knows is that they’re biologically related. He could of course offer to put his brother up at a hotel, but at his house is a no-no. Or perhaps he could offer to meet his brother at a later time when things aren’t as busy. This would assure more quality time together. I mean, Anthony will be busy enough with the wedding, new house, new family, etc.
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LikeDislikeNo way no how am I letting someone that I don’t know that well stay in the house with me and my kids. Anthony should let Felix know that they don’t have enough room for visitors; also a wedding is a stressful time. Who asks to stay with you while you’re organizing a wedding??
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LikeDislikeI wouldn’t open my home to Felix just yet if I were Anthony. He may be having tough times financially, but he can eventually bounce back. Him not attending the wedding is not the end of the world. Felix can see him when he gets his feet on the ground.
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LikeDislikeAnthony should express his regret that his brother cannot attend but I don’t think he should open his home just yet. Even though they are blood related he has to be careful since he doesn’t know this guy and he has a fiance and children living at home too.
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