My Question of the Day for 05 July 2010 – UPDATED
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My Question of the Day: Theo didn’t think it was possible for him to really start to have romantic feelings toward Paula, a coworker with whom he’s been working on a particularly difficult project. He has always had a very strict policy of not dating women with whom he works. Despite this policy, he finds himself thinking of what it would be like to be in a relationship with her.
Because they have had to work so closely together, Theo and Paula have gotten to know quite a bit about one another, and Theo is convinced that Paula may be “Ms. Right.” Even though Paula seems to like him very much, he can’t determine whether her feelings for him match his feelings for her. He thinks to himself that she may just see him as a good friend and colleague and nothing more.
Theo wonders if he should tell Paula how he feels and risk the friendship they’ve developed if she doesn’t feel the same way, or should he just wait for her to express more than a friendly interest.
What do you think?
My 2 Cents: If Theo feels that strongly about Paula, he should ease into trying to make his feelings known to her. Obviously, he’s feeling much differently about her than any other coworker he’s dealt with in the past, or he wouldn’t be even considering going back on his policy.
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Its never good for coworkers that work closely together to date. What if the relationship ends? Most of the time its awkward to continue working with someone when you’ve had a relationship with them. If one of them is transferred to another department, I would see no problem in Theo asking Paula on a date.
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LikeDislikeI would say to wait until she expresses more interest but to step up his game just a notch so that she’s not left wondering as well. Telling her though might be awkward since they work with each other
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LikeDislikeHe should leave their relationship on a professional level. It is normally extremely hard to work and live with the same person. There is no down-time. Stresses at home can easily be brought to the job, and job stress comes home…to the person you work with.
There are plenty of people he could find interest in they are outside of work. He should keep his job just that, a job.
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LikeDislikeCo-workers should never have a relationship,it is not safe,things never work out n it always end up in disaster. He should jus hold his feelings back because if she don’t feel the same way and he mentions how he feels toward her,she might bust him out n embarrass him. The workplace is for business not romance,save that for somewhere outside of the workplace.
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LikeDislikeIf he has a rule against dating people at work, and wants to break it, he might want to ask himself:
–what is the purpose of this rule?
—what is the consequence of breaking this rule?
–am I OK with the consequence if Palua is not “the one”?
Once he has those answers, he’ll be clearer about making a decision. He might want to create a non-date situation, like going for lunch and having non-work discussion on something that’s important to him–politics or religion–to see what her values are.
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LikeDislikeDepending on the corporate policy, he can save his pride or save his job. If policy allows relationships amongst coworkers (usually they worry more about subordinate/manager) then wait about two or three months to be sure of his own feelings. If policy prohibits coworker romance, start looking for another job.
Romance is rare and beautiful, in these times I have to say it’s not worth jeopardizing a steady paycheck on a whim. For example, Paula might not feel the same, and she could report Theo to HR for harassment. Sometimes coworkers get to be very good friends, doesn’t mean every friendship should be romance.
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LikeDislikeI don’t think he should act upon his feels, especially if he isn’t 100% sure of HER feelings. Inner Office Relationships typically aren’t a good idea. If they Break up, they will still have to see one another each day.
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LikeDislikeHe should ask her to get drinks one night after work and see what happens.
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LikeDislikeWell I think it depends on the policy of his job. I know some jobs have policies against co workers dating. Now if his job doesn’t have this policy, I still think he should tread lightly. I think he should drop some hints that he’s interested, but don’t be so aggressive that he makes the young lady uncomfortable.
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