My Question of the Day for 07 June 2010 – UPDATED
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My Question of the Day: Up until you purchased your new home, your fiance and children lived with your soon-to-be in-laws. Your children have allergies/asthma and the major motivation for moving them from their current living situation was that your fiance’s parents smoke. Even though they know it makes the children sick, when they lived with your soon-to-be in-laws the children’s grandparents refused to go outside to smoke. You couldn’t complain then because it was your fiance’s parents’ house. Now that you have your own place, your fiance is pushing you to allow the parents to smoke inside your home when they visit. What do you do?
(this question was submitted by @rahsheen; thanks, Yoda!)
My 2 Cents: I’m not going to even spend a whole lot of time with this one. The answer is NO, point blank and period.
NO ONE will be smoking in the house, whether they live there or are visiting.
They can’t even smoke near the house as far as I’m concerned. If you want to smoke, go out to the furthest edge from the house, whether that be the back or front yard and smoke. I don’t have respiratory issues, but I abhor the smell of smoke, so I don’t even want anyone smoking on my porch, let alone in my house.
Honestly, and call me anal if you like, I would have reservations getting married to someone whose parents smoke, since I know that would mean I (and any potential children we have) would be spending some time with them for holidays, vacations, visits, etc. Cigarette smoke makes me (and I’m not exaggerating) physically ill, and I detest the smell of it in my hair and on my clothes and skin. Yuck!
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absolutely not gonna happen, but even more so with the child’s asthma. the in-laws should be ashamed to even want to put the child in jeopardy like that. the real person that should be addressed here is the “fiance”. he should stand up for whats right and not just allowing anything to go on in his home.
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LikeDislikeNo way! Just like I respect their living conditions they should respect the rules of my home. I wouldn’t be rude but I would be firm on this issue. My children’s health comes first and I don’t want to make them ill in their own home
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LikeDislikeThere would be NO smoking and I’m sure the parents would honor your request to smoke outside your home. If you partner isn’t up to the challenge then you have to. If it angers your partner or the parents, you need some new people in your life. Kids first.
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LikeDislikeOh, Heck No! Actually, you need no explanation, reference smoking… It doesn’t matter that smoke makes the children sick, what matters is, if you ask someone not to do something in your home, then Don’t Do it! Period. It’s unfortunate they’re putting their children at risk, yet, it shouldn’t even be a conversation. Please! What’s wrong with the weak spouse, asking if the parents can smoke in the home? Really, this is where we need to direct our attention. They care more about their parents smoking than they care about the well-being of their children. A Darn Shame… It’s not up for negotiation or conversation… It’s a simple, NO!
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LikeDislikeRasheen, you posted a very easy question for me. As a child, didn’t we all imagine the day we could tell our parents, “well, under MY roof, it’s my rules.”
I would actually be extremely respectful, and explain myself again (since I would have mentioned it as a guest in their house, too). I would politely remind them of my childrens’ health concerns. And if my fiance disagreed, I would remind him my childrens’ health is more important that his parent’s ability to smoke indoors. They can hit the patio, garage or outside.
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LikeDislikeNo way, no how. This is my house and the inhabitants and visitors have to abide by my rules. If they want to smoke they have to go outside. I tell my fiance that I let his parents smoke around my kids when they lived at their house but I have to draw the line at smoking in my house. Smoke permeates the furniture, curtains, everything. I don’t want that in my house.
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LikeDislikeDefinitely a make-or-break topic for me. My mom smoked, but never inside. I smoked, but not inside with the kids. I quit partly because I could see where it would become a logistics issue with the kids and they won out. I can’t understand anyone who thinks smoking around children is all good. It’s selfish as hell and, even if it’s your own house, you don’t have to smoke in the same room as the children.
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LikeDislikeI politely tell them to go outside. I tell them that while we were at their house, I respected their home & their desire to smoke in their home; but now, this is my home with my kids and I would appreciate it very much if they would respect my home, my rules, and my decision for them to not smoke in the house, especially since the smoke is not good for the kids. There will be a designated spot for them so they don’t get too hot/cold, but there will be absolutely NO smoking in the house. (With signs posted everywhere, if necessary)
Oh, and my fiancé can just be a lil mad abt it if he doesn’t agree with me on this. I will NOT compromise my kids’ health in my own home, if it can be prevented.
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LikeDislikeI would not allow anyone smoke near my Children. Smoking by my guests is not allowed in my house, my garage or in my yard. If they wanted to smoke, they would have to do so in their car; if they couldn’t abide by my rules, they would not be welcome in my home.
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LikeDislikeKids or no, asthma or no, no one is smoking inside my house to stink it up and subject me to second-hand smoke. (That would include the fiance himself!) It would hurt to know that these in-laws don’t care enough about their own grandchildren to take precautions regarding their health, but as stated, it is their house. They can be as selfish and negligent as they want. But their right to smoke does not extend to my house, ESPECIALLY when it affects my children’s health.
And quite frankly, I’d also be rethinking this whole fiance thing if he’s pushing me to allow his parents to put my children’s health at risk… Why am I marrying a man who thinks this is okay???
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LikeDislikePolitely ask your in-laws to smoke outside as your children’s doctor stated smoking affects their health. I did the same thing with my father and he totally understood.
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LikeDislikeIt’s gonna be make-or-break time, if these people insist on smoking they can do it at their own house. If there is a diagnosis of asthma and the in-laws can’t understand my concern, that’s one problem. If my future spouse thinks smoking around an asthma patient is “no big deal” that’s a whole new problem. First and foremost, child’s health.
Added issue: I knew people a while back who had to paint the house every 2 years, because they smoked and the walls would get yellow. Curtains had to be taken down to wash often, because the smell would linger in everything fabric.
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