My Question of the Day for 19 April 2010 – UPDATED
| Listen to the question here:
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. |
My Question of the Day: You volunteer weekly at a shelter for battered women. The shelter is federally funded and there are several regulations that must be followed or the shelter could lose its financial backing. One of the regulations that is strictly enforced is that no men, other than those on-staff, can enter the shelter under any circumstances.
When you signed on as a volunteer you were made to read an article about another federally-funded shelter that was closed because one of the workers allowed a man into the building who said he had a message for one of the women. The man had been hired by the woman’s husband to kill her and her two children, which he succeeded in doing, along with killing two other women who tried to protect the children.
Late one night, while you’re on duty, there is a vigorous pounding on the front door. You, the other worker and the two massive, armed off-duty police volunteers go to see if it is a woman fleeing for her life. During your training you were told to make every effort to get to the front door quickly when someone knocks, because it could be a woman in grave danger. With weapons draw, one officer opens the door while the other officer stands in front of you and the other worker in case there’s an attack.
You all see a man standing there with one child in his arms and another clinging to his leg. The man is badly beaten, and he explains that his wife did it. He tells you all that his wife has been beating him for years and his last straw was when she went after the baby. He turns the child around so you can see its badly-bruised face. The man asks you to please take in him and his children because he has nowhere else to go.
What do you do?
My 2 Cents: When the idea of battered-relief shelters were originally conceived, the overwhelming majority of people facing domestic violence were women and their children. It would only make sense to me that such shelters would have rules designed to protect women from their abusive partners. This may mean that men would not be allowed in the shelters for any reason, and I would honor that if I am a volunteer.
I wouldn’t just turn the man and his children away, though. I would ask one of the officers to stand with him outside the facility for his safety, and then I would call other shelters that aren’t exclusively for battered women. If I could find no place to take him, I’d ask the off-duty police volunteers to help him. If he and one of his children have been physically assaulted, the police should be able to offer him some assistance.
One thing, for sure, he could not come into the shelter since the regulations state that no men are allowed who are not on-staff. After this incident, though, I would ask the shelter to consider the fact that men are being battered, too, and ask the Board to think about how to help men, as well as women, who are fleeing domestic violence.
———-
Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:
———-
PROTECTED TWEETER I say don’t let the man in. 1) Against rules and you could lose your job, 2) Could be a setup
JoshDamage I recommend he seek services at a family shelter and suggest he press charges
———-
The commentary doesn’t have to end!
Please feel free to continue to add your comments below.
———-
RULES FOR COMMENTS
1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.
2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.
3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.
I’d definitely look for different resources to help him. however there would be no point in taking him in because then you’re jeopardizing the other battered women in the shelter and their wellness.
maybe id even take the kids in .. if that was allowed but he would have to find a different place for help.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeI tell him ill call the police for him and slam the door shut. My instructions were never to let any man in that is not on staff. And since I dont trust most people I would make no exception for him. If I could get just the kids I would ask for them but not him. Most men should be able to restrain a woman, unless the man is unusally small and the woman is unsually big.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeGiven that it’s a women’s shelter, I’d have to obey those rules and not let him in. Not only could it be traumatic for the women there, but it jeopardizes the shelter’s very existence. I’d find a shelter for men or families and direct him there.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeRules are rules and since it is against this shelter’s policy to allow men in, I would not allow him in. However, most community service agencies, incl. shelters, have a listing of other community service agencies, i.e. shelters for battered men or families. I would above all offer to call 911 for the man.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeI would have the two volunteer men hold the man until the police can get there. Since it is a woman’s shelter and there are strict rules the man really does not have a lot of options other than filing charges against his wife for spousal and child abuse and battery. She should serve time in jail and a restraining orders should be put on her.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeThis is a really good question but I’m gonna have to agree with the others. He is not permitted inside. I am immediately calling 911 to assist him and the children. I am giving information to the nearest MEN’s shelter. Under no circumstances am I allowing the man inside. Safety first. The women and children currently inside the shelter are depending on me to do my job.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeI wouldn’t let him in because it’s against regulations. I would seek help from law enforcement. I’d let him know that, regardless of the situation, he’s probably going to spend a night or so in jail until they get things sorted out and I hope he has some evidence against his wife besides his word and his bruises because he will be fighting an up-hill battle.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeYou think he’d get arrested? Really? Why so?
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeIf the wife shows up outside with a baseball bat yelling obscenities, the cops might believe the husband.
If she shows up (especially with a scratch on her) and plays the role, dude is going to jail and the kids are going with her.
If she doesn’t show up at all, dude is going to jail because they can’t send him home and there are abused children involved. Kids are probably still going with mom.
The truth might come out later, but standard procedure puts the dude in jail and the kids with the mother unless he pulls out some video footage or those kids are old enough to say what happened.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeI would never work for a shelter or any establishment that had such a default policy of misandry, so I probably would never be in this situation.
That being said, if I saw a battered man (or woman) with children, I would call the police & let them sort it out.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeSorry, but I wouldn’t let the man inside. I would make sure the officers subdued the wife if she was outside. I would call 911 to have an ambulance pick up the man and his children. This shelter is provided for the protection of women, even though I am aware that some men are abused too.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeThe shelter is now almost a crime scene. I’d ask the officers to call for backup, then one sits with the wife and another sits with the husband.
The children can definitely come into the shelter while waiting for social services to reach a relative or make placement arrangements. Sad to say, they have been witnesses and victims of domestic violence, regardless which parent was the abuser.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislikeUnfortunately, due to regulations I would not allow him in because a woman’s shelter community really relies on trust and I cannot break that especially goodness forbid anything bad happens. However, it sounds like he a person in need of help and he has children so I’d try to look up a place for him to stay whether it’s a general shelter or friend/relative who could help him. I feel so bad writing this but I would follow regulation just as a precautionary measure but I wouldn’t ignore the people and would assist them in other ways.
Was this answer helpful?
LikeDislike