My Question of the Day for 12 April 2010 – UPDATED
My Question of the Day: Children say the darndest things! Imagine your little one has been attending preschool for several weeks now. S/he has learned so many new things and comes home to share all the adventures s/he is having with his/her teachers and classmates. One day, your precious little one comes home and tells you about a conversation s/he had with another classmate. Your baby boy/girl innocently describes a vulgar sexual act that his/her classmate witnessed and relayed to your child. When your little bundle of joy finishes telling you the story, s/he asks you just exactly what is this vulgar sexual act about which s/he has recently learned. What do you do?
(please note: s/he is an abbreviation for she and/or he)
(this question was submitted by @JoshDamage; thanks!)
My 2 Cents: My mother said when we were little we spoke perfect, standard English, and then she sent us to school with other children, and words like “ain’t” creeped into our vocabularies.
I would first tell my child that the subject is inappropriate and that s/he shouldn’t speak of it again. I would also suggest (not demand) that my child find some other child(ren) with which to play and/or talk. I wouldn’t demand my child not interact with this particular classmate, because the other child is as much, if not more, of a victim as my child.
I would definitely bring this to the attention of the staff at the preschool. This child might be in danger in a household where s/he has learned to talk about a vulgar sexual act well enough to relay that information to other children. It’s quite possible that this poor little one is being sexual abused, and someone must intervene if that’s the case.
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Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:
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JoshDamage I ask my child where they learned the words. I then complain to the school
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I would definitely alert the teacher and the principal. I would take a day off work and observe the other kids in the class to see if this an anomaly or if all the kids are off the chain in the class. I would have to know that this isnt something thats going on everyday. A pre schooler should never talk about the act of sex.
I taught my son his body parts so he knows what a penis is. But right now all he knows its for is too pee, and that no one should touch it or see it EVER. lol
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LikeDislikeI would NOT discuss the act with my preschool-aged child. I WOULD however have a nice talk with the preschool teacher in the morning to determine if the school needs to talk with the other child’s parents.
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LikeDislikeEeeeeeeek. My oldest is currently in preschool and I can’t even imagine her asking me something like this. BUT you never know. It really depends. If its just sex that the child witnessed, I explain that its something that grownups do and she’ll learn more about it when she’s older. If its something concerning a child, I explain that this is VERY VERY bad and that someone will be getting in deep trouble. I also talk to the preschool teacher and let her know the conversation that my child witnessed.
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LikeDislikeHa! I have had such conversations with my young children but not my pre-schooler. I would tell my child that what her classmate saw and told her is inappropriate for children to see and talk about. What her classmate saw is something that “grown ups” do when they are husband and wife and I will talk to her more about it once she’s older.
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LikeDislikeI don’t tell my child what this act is nor do I explain it. What I will do though is strictly let my child know this is inappropriate and I would talk the the preschool teacher or the child’s mother (the one who told my child)
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LikeDislikeAfter recovering from fainting, I would go have a seat and beckon my little bundle of joy hither. Better yet, my bundle of joy would have to bring me a glass of water.
Then I would proceed to have the birds and bees conversation. If that “vulgar act” falls within that conversation, I’ll stay on task and keep it simple. If that “vulgar act” is a deviant perversion, I might ask for the details so I can add it to my repertoire.
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LikeDislikeI would have no choice but to tell them the complete and honest truth: I have no idea why anyone would do that and it sounds pretty gross.
There is no reason a child that young should have any idea about how any of that is supposed to work or why. The child telling the story to my kid is already in too deep.
I would probably inform the school about the things this other kid is spreading around as well. That’s some seriously jacked up stuff.
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LikeDislikeI would patiently explain to him that this isn’t something that young men should be talking about and WHY it isn’t. and how It’s advisable to never hear this kinda talk coming from him again.
THEN I would Have a brief chat with the school, letting them know what transpired and encouraging them to let the parent of the initial kid know what is going on.
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