My Question of the Day for 09 April 2010 – UPDATED
My Question of the Day: A coworker announces his/her engagement. You give him/her an engagement gift. Several months later, your coworker hands you an invitation to his/her upcoming wedding. You give him/her a wedding gift. Less than a week before the wedding, your coworker sends out notices that the wedding has been canceled. After almost a month, your coworker hasn’t returned the wedding gift. What do you do?
(this question was submitted by @tclarkusa; thanks!)
My 2 Cents: I’ve never found myself in this situation yet, but I’m glad to have the opportunity to think about what I would do now. I’m going to do like @bbygrl3. The day of the wedding is when the happy couple will get my gift.
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I had no idea ppl gave gifts before the wedding unless they couldnt make it. So they prob wouldnt have a gift from me. But if for some reason I gave it early. I would just forget about it. Because whatever caused them not to get married probably has completely taken over their mind.
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LikeDislikeWell, to me it is a gift and I’m not going to expect any in return. If things don’t work out, accept the fact and move on. That’s life.
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LikeDislikeWell, if I give some kind of gift, I’m not going to expect much in return. Who cares? Things just don’t work out…That’s life.
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LikeDislikeRegardless of what current norms may say, a gift is a GIFT. I’m not entitled to get it back and I’m honestly not looking for it. If the wedding is called off, the last thing the couple needs is for people to be harassing them to reclaim things that no longer belong to them. Gifts should be given without strings attached. If I didn’t want to give a gift, then I wouldn’t have done it in the first place. But once it’s given, I’m not thinking about it any more.
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LikeDislikeThough I’d wonder what the person would do with all of the gifts, I wouldn’t expect it back and certainly wouldn’t confront them about it. I’d just consider it a sunk cost. If the gift(s) were returned, I’d be pleasantly surprised.
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LikeDislikeI would let them have it.
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LikeDislikeA gift is a gift. I probably wouldn’t bother trying to ask for it back, but I might be curious if they even needed it. Given the type of situation, returning gifts is probably the last thing on their mind. Heck, maybe they wish they could get rid of the gifts but thought giving them back would be rude. I’d do like DG and just mention it in passing to see what they say.
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LikeDislikeSee that’s why im glad i’m a last minute person. I wouldn’t give a gift until the day of the wedding… and in this case since there will be no wedding, there will be no gift! Sorry.
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LikeDislikeA gift is a gift. While the wedding party should return the gifts, I think it would be insensitive to confront that person-especially at work. They could be dealing with any number of issues due to the cancellation.
Sometimes you just have to let things go and hope people make the right decision.
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LikeDislikeInitially, I was going to respond with, I would not ask for the gift to be returned. However, after reading DG’s post, I would have to agree. Bit expensive, ie furniture for a their new home, or something like that.
Melody-;o)
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LikeDislikei would ask them what are they gonna do with all the presents they got, to see their reaction. if they don’t return it, i wouldn’t look at that person the same. i’d keep my distance.
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LikeDislikeThis has happened to me. I don’t expect the gifts back. This is a very stressful time for the couple. They don’t need to worry about giving gifts back now. Sometimes you get your gifts back and sometimes you don’t.
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LikeDislikeReal scenario. Stumped me when my friend asked me & I couldn’t wait to get this question to my fellow QOTD-ers. The dude didn’t even tell her wedding was called off until like 3 days before date & some didn’t hear of it until the following week or later. Talk about awkward.
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LikeDislikeI send them my engagement announcement!
Melody Montgomery
@EvrythngNailz
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LikeDislikeIs that just to get back the gift?
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LikeDislikeNah… it was just for the sake of comedy.. lol… was wondering, in that situation, would the coworker “regift” or get the drift! hahaha!
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LikeDislikeI don’t do anything. It was a GIFT, they can do what they want to do with it.
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LikeDislikeNothing. I bought a gift regardless. You might aresupposed to in some situations, but I’m not asking for the gift back. Gifts are non-refundable and non-returnable to me. If I bought it and gave it, I meant for him/her to have it. Too bad they didn’t get married, bummer.
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LikeDislikeIf it was just a small gift I wouldn’t create an awkward situation by asking for the gift back but if it was a bit expensive I think I would bring it up in the coffee break room. Actually, I don’t think I would bring it up directly but sort of ask if she/he needs help returning gifts – the indirect approach.
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