The Question: You get invited to the baby shower of your close friend’s 14-year-old, unwed daughter. What do you do?
My 2 Cents: We all make mistakes. Some of our mistakes are small, and some are long-lasting and life-changing. It’s a part of the human condition, it’s true.
Children having children is nothing to celebrate with games, gifts, cookies, cake and ice cream. Aside from a young girl being overpowered and taken advantage of by a male who means her harm, a young girl getting pregnant at 14 years old is certainly avoidable. If young girls we know, regardless of whether they’re our blood relatives or young girls we come into contact with on a regular basis, are getting pregnant before their brains and bodies have matured and developed enough to handle pregnancy, childbirth and child-rearing, we’re failing these young girls as much as they’re failing themselves, if not more. If it takes a village to raise a child, then we can’t put this all on parents. It’s not about judging. It’s about accountability.
As a society, we have to shoulder some of the responsibility. We’ve allowed teenaged pregnancy to become the rule and not the exception. We say things like, ”Well, there’s no use saying anything now. What’s done is done.” That’s why some of these young girls end up pregnant again and again. What’s worse is some of the other young girls who come to these baby showers and see all the fun and games and gifts and good times, think they want the same thing. They’re too immature to see past the party. Some of them think, “If I get pregnant, someone will do this for me and my baby.” Maybe it’s not even the family having the baby showers for these young mothers-to-be. Organizations, even churches, are sponsoring baby showers for young girls who are pregnant.
Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we should push these young girls into a corner and try not to look in that direction. Yes, they need support, love and encouragement, items for the baby and for themselves, since they’re not even old enough to legally hold a job. Supply them with what they need, but don’t make a celebration of it. People who have the heart to do so will help out without punch and finger sandwiches.
I will not attend a baby shower for a close friend’s 14-year-old, unwed daughter. Nor will I judge or lecture my close friend’s daughter or my close friend, for that matter. If they’ve chosen to have a baby shower, I will drop off a practical parcel of items for the baby days after the shower so that there’s no confusion that I’m not supporting or participating in a celebration but I am supporting and participating in this new life-to-be. If my friend’s daughter asks why I didn’t attend the baby shower, I’ll be open and honest with her about my perspective. I’ll also let her know she has my support to help her care for and raise her child, if needs be. I’ll also let my friend’s daughter know I’ll be happy to attend a ceremony of dedication/blessing/christening once the baby has arrived, since the baby had no say in how s/he came into existence.
If you need another reason young girls shouldn’t be having sex, read One in Four Teen Girls Have STDs.
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Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:
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KDavis pray for guidance. give a lovely gift. Encourage the teen mother to finish school.
PROTECTED TWEETER Throw together a diaper cake and show up. She gonna need all the support she can get
Speaklife2 U ask your friend what does he/she think U should bring as a gift, and U go and have fun.
Miss_Behavin_ Attend, of course, with a gift for baby and support for the daughter. She’s gonna need a village to lean on at that age!
Dknlvlydiva .. Support, takes a village
EpicView_SP I send a gift.
gregandmarlo I would go the shower and bring lots of gifts. a 14 yr old mom will need a LOT of support and love
DavidJSutton881 Lead that girl to Jesus real quickly because she going to need him badly to help her raise that child. amen
sunshine625 Id spank the mama (friend)! I’d go to the shower cause they’ll probably have cake
ibster I say “No, thanks, I don’t do baby showers it’s shameless consumerism”.
ATMMD I think I will have to think carefully about what kind of friend is that, allowing his/her 14 yr old to become pregnant.
PROTECTED TWEETER I would give a gift at a later date and not attend.
cpembleton Buy her some essentials and tell her to call me if she needs advice/tips
walkerdl If I could attend, I probably would
ishadowaddict I would support my friend but not the situation that her daughter is in.
PROTECTED TWEETER Take a GOOD gift. They’re about 2 tackle MAJOR issues. The least I can do is help her w/1 happy afternoon.
Piddlepro go ,she needs support.
dingane1 i just dont go…it doesnt do anyone any good to be angry about it.
MissMeandI I don’t go…I don’t go to adult baby showers, I’m not helping promote a barely teen’s pregnancy
PROTECTED TWEETER buy a gift and attend. teens having kids is more common than people dying of old age! sad indeed but who r we to judge.
jigsawverbiage 14-yo moms-to-be need stuff & support too. I’d offer both, not my personal views. Experience already will be her best teacher.
PROTECTED TWEETER thank God I am a guy and comfort in the fact that it is highly unlikely I would be invited. Lol.
CharTheArtist I would attend w/gift n hand & offer mom 2 be some much needed advice cuz my friend grandma 2 b obviously didn’t
IamRah I would send a gift but I wouldn’t attend. Attending would be like celebrating/rewarding something that shouldn’t be…
SGTMcClain you go and support the young woman, she will need all the support she can get, you can’t un-ring the bell.
DivoJ Put them on the Prayer List of a Local Church…….smh
BLKMGK Show up and bring a gift. Its too late for lectures now.
ObiOrion I’d likely say something snarky like, “Honey, you got an invitation in the mail today.”
ImABlackPoem I’d go to the baby shower only if I knew tht my friend fif nt encourage this pregnancy. I hv 2 sow n2 goof ground @ all times.
JoshDamage bring a gift and pray for the best. I certainly wouldn’t mention it at all.
FeminaPrudentia Although appalled by the situation, I would go and keep my comments to myself. It could happen to anyone.
NightShade10 I accept the invitation and get that girl the things she will need for the baby. Awkward, but she and her child need the help
md20737 You go and offer support to the child whose having a child bc you know it will be hard.
PROTECTED TWEETER you pray for the whole family baby mom and grandmom as you’re buying the gift for the shower
PROTECTED TWEETER go bc if her mom is your close friend, they are like family to u&even if u aren’t happy about it,the 14y/o still needs support
CHICAGORADIO You go to show the 14 year old support during what will be a tough time in her life, pray for her…In the card you offer her the opening ear and understanding heart of a sister/mother and give her your number…it is hard for me to turn a blind eye, what has happened has happened, your presence will not say I agree…She will have a tough time no doubt, the baby shower is the time 4 showing group support that will soon fade to a few if any
treschic67 I would NOT attend the Baby Shower. I Would pray for the Family & child but could not be supportive of the pregnancy
atane I’m not attending such foolishness. This should be a time of reflection, not celebration. It’s no party.
jluntzreport dont go. i am not supporting that nonsense.
rishaholmes wow! I guess u go…what’s done is done…sad proposition..
roaddoggz Find out what the daughter needs and bring a gift. i will not judge
Quintessence_T u go enjoy the festivities and don’t judge..
ChaChanna Go and bring a gift. What else can you do?
xsashagirl I stay my black [bleep] at home. LOL!
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