Copyright© 2009, My Question of the Day. All rights reserved.

Please do not use any of this content without first contacting the owner of the My Question of the Day blog and asking for permission to do so. Permission will most likely be granted if you agree to credit the My Question of the Day blog as your source. Contact permissions@myqotd.com to make your request.

My Question of the Day: You’re standing at the window/screen door watching your child/niece/nephew/close friend’s child, we’ll call him/her Chris, playing with some children in the neighborhood. One particular child in the group has a habit of being too aggressive with the other children, we’ll call him/her Tracy, which is why you’re watching in the first place. All the children are playing nicely together, and you’re about to walk away. All of a sudden, Tracy shoves Chris to the ground. You step out of the house to find out what’s going on. The children all explain that it was a misunderstanding and Tracy overreacted. You ask Tracy to apologize to Chris, and he/she refuses to do so. You do the next responsible thing and walk both children to Tracy’s home to speak with his/her parent(s). You explain to the parent(s) what happened, and you let the parent(s) know that all you’re asking is that Tracy apologize to Chris and the matter will be over. Tracy’s parent(s) look(s) at you with indifference and say he/she/they  doesn’t/don’t think what Tracy did is a big deal, and he/she/they accuse you of being too sensitive and overprotective. What do you do?

RULES FOR COMMENTS

1. DO NOT include links in your post. There is a place for you to include one link when you’re filling out the Name/Email/Website information. Comments that include links will be deleted.

2. If your post is obviously irrelevant to the question at hand, it will be deleted. This is a tactic spammers use to simply show up on blogs.

3. Please keep your comments respectful. We can agree to disagree without attacking each other.

The Question: You’re invited to the wedding of a friend/relative. You’re not particularly close to this friend/relative, but you’re close enough to seriously consider going to the wedding. You’ve received the invitation in plenty of time to get a decent rate on a plane ticket and a hotel room. You can take a few days off from work, with pay, without it being a major or minor hassle. A few days before you decide to finalize the arrangements to go, you find out from another friend/relative that the couple are actually already married and have been for several months. The couple is only having this ceremony so they can please their mothers and to give everyone invited the opportunity to get them gifts and attend the reception. What do you do?

My 2 Cents: A friend of mine was placed in this position not too long ago. The only major differences in the scenario I posed and her situation was my friend is actually really close to this particular niece and the couple weren’t having a wedding ceremony to please parents. They were simply doing it for the gifts.

To the credit of my friend’s niece, she asked for the “secret” marriage months before because she didn’t want to live with her fiancé without them being married. As my friend put it, “She said she didn’t want to be living in sin.” OK, based on her belief system, this was something that was important to her. I can appreciate that. No worries.

My friend’s issue, and mine as well, was that the young lady didn’t have a problem deceiving her family and friends about the status of her relationship. How can you say you don’t want to sin in one regard and then at the same time sin in another regard? I wanted to know how my friend even found out her niece was already married. Her response: “The girl forgot to take off her wedding ring one day when she went by So-and-so’s house. When So-and-so noticed it was different from the engagement ring, she turned red and told her they’d already gotten married. When So-and-so asked her why she didn’t just tell everybody and why she was making such a big deal about everyone coming to a wedding, my niece said they realized they could furnish their place faster if people bought them gifts.” I asked my friend how long they’d been married. She said six months. Yes. Six months. Half a year.

No, I would not finalize arrangements to go to a wedding for a couple who had already been married in secret several months prior to a public ceremony just so I can have the opportunity to give them a gift and attend a reception. Deception just doesn’t sit well with me. The moment is gone as far as I’m concerned. On their first anniversary, once I found out what day it actually is, I’d send them a gift in celebration of that.

———-

Take a few moments to check out the tweets from Twitter on this subject:

———-

TSwoopes move forward with plans and attend.

queenesther Weddings are like massive family reunions – really important celebratory moments. I’d go – & bring a gift!

BLKMGK I’d probably go and just give them cash instead of a gift.

PROTECTED TWEETER If I liked the person, I’d go to their ceremony cuz I’d want to support them. MANY PPL GET MARRIED PRIOR TO WEDDING!

mblackburn I’d go. It’s touching that they would go to all this trouble just to make their parents happy.

atane I won’t attend a wedding based on deception. Besides, the fact that they didn’t tell me they were married speaks volumes.

ankomaguy i won’t bother myself to go there, its a waste of time.

rahsheen Don’t really care about them being married already or not, but I wouldn’t go anyway. Especially not being that

acmeek I’d still go if it really was no hassle for me.

nukirk I’ll still go. I mean, a lot of people seem to be doing that nowadays anywayz. Why be pissed about it?

jluntzreport if it is open bar I am there. I will drink enough liquor to cover the entire trip!

PROTECTED TWEETER I’d still go. I wouldn’t be mad at all. I love weddings so it would be a good excuse to get away and enjoy the

PROTECTED TWEETER I would still go..

CREATED2B I go. Eat up all the food, don’t bring a gift then bounce without saying a word to their selfish behinds.

ishadowaddict hmm saving my money, paid time off and will not be in attendance

EpicView_SP I would still consider going because I like weddings & travel. The hype from the situation could make it more interesting.

xsashagirl I would still attend and write a big enough check to cover the cost of my plate at the reception. No need to hate on the couple

tjmlvs_christ I say be honest and up front! I don’t know that I would go. Perhaps send a Congrats card and move on!

LadyJay91 If I find out at the last minute the couple is already married, I’d just send them my gift and a card.

Quintessence_T awww [bleep] naw….one thing i don’t like is game playing..since the arrangements hadn’t been finalized..

Grimsta2003 I won’t go. That’s cheesy. If I do send a gift it’ll be regular mail. Ground.

PryncessPoetiq1 since i was deceived into thinking it was the actual wedding, i wouldnt go, but still use the trip and do something fun lol

DerekIsNormal I’d still go. I’ve already booked my flight and hotel and taken the time off at work…but their gift will be CHEAP!

Write_Of_Fusion I would still go to the wedding, and show my support. It’s not like I have to hang with them the whole time I’m there.

PROTECTED TWEETER maybe a gift card (long-shot) but, definitely not showing up and will RSVP my non-attendance

PROTECTED TWEETER lmpraoo ur question actually kills me because i might end up doing this!! im like laffin hard except im not doin it for gifts and i decided not to have a reception & to only have a dinner. lol but umm, i would go just because youre celebrating a couple being one and love in itself!

sunshine625 Go 2 the wedding

aileen2u2 .I’d go to the wedding. That scenario is becoming quite common due to the economy, schedules, blended families, etc.

brijh Tacky, however, I would go just to see The Co-Dependent Couple enjoy themselves & try to please others!

SGTMcClain you go… since youve already made plans… if you had RSVP’d you may have gotten these details before han

md20737 You go because that what you planned to do, & you cant trust hearsay anyway. Hearsay is the polite name for gossip

NightShade10 oh heck, a wedding is special no matter if the celebration is @ time or delayed, if I was going to go I’d still go

tclarkusa I would probably go. I’m sure they had their reasons for eloping.

———-

The commentary doesn’t have to end!

Please feel free to continue to add your comments to the original post by clicking here.